Happi's Big Adventure (rewrite) by Gregg Sharp ===== Certain characters are TM Jack Chalker, others TM Rumiko Takahashi. This is just a rewrite of a previous story, altered to make it a little more smooth. Note that this is dark and lime (at least), no spurting body fluids but with Happosai and Ben Yulin involved... --------------------------------------------- HAPPOSAI'S BIG ADVENTURE, or BETTING ON THE FUTURE Chapter one: an alliance made in "Very Bad Place" --------------------------------------------- Happosai finished fitting the last piece of the Nanban Mirror into place with a little of the special glue. Once he'd stolen the mirror repairing kit, he'd known JUST where to use it. They dared to try another wedding. To marry off Ranma and Akane, WITHOUT INVITING HIM! How dare they! Fortunately, Nabiki was kind enough to sell him the information. Holding the repaired mirror up, Happosai smiled. He knew how to properly use the Mirror, he just usually didn't bother with the effort. "Mirror of travel and travail, Over time you will prevail, Mirror of regret, I humbly ask, Help me with this simple task, To a far future where dreams come true, Take me there, I beg of you!" A single tear, produced by yanking out a whisker of his own moustache, was sufficient to invoke the mirror. --------795 years in the future, in a Galaxy far, far, away-------- IT was a world like no other in that universe. A world with two large black hexes marking the poles. A world with hundreds of hex-shaped environments, sometimes very different from the environment right next to it. A world created by an ancient race to whom the wholesale reorganization of matter on a galactic scale was an everyday task. To those who knew of it, the world had a very simple name. It was the Well World. Currently orbiting this jewel-faceted world was a planetoid/space station. Currently in this station were two groups of people. Also during this current crisis, one group had just come upon the ultimate power (or close enough for most purposes.) However, a new element had been thrown into the mix that would have long-term consequence. "Obie, do you have a fix on the intruder?" "Negative, Ben. I have an approximate reading, he's somewhere near your 'lounge' but I can't locate him with the sensors I have in that area." "Now, now, Ben. Can I call you Ben? I'm NOT your enemy. Fact is, I'd like to suggest an alliance." "Why do I need to ally myself with anyone? I have control of Obie, and he can rearrange matter and energy to suit my whim." "So I've seen, so I've seen." The disembodied voice gave an earthy chuckle. "That's why I think we're kindred spirits, dear boy. Who knows, you may be one of my descendants." "What?" "That would account for the odd energy pattern I detected earlier, though time travel is supposed to be impossible." Obie's pleasant baritone sounded curious. "Now, Ben, I want to suggest something to you. These young ladies you've got around, I'm sure they're damn useful as well as quite pleasant to look at, but if you made a mistake or simply failed to consider an option, would any of them be able to point that out? Of course not, by making them slavishly devoted to you, you've limited their usefulness to you." Ben Yulin was many things. Bullheaded, yes. Stupid, no. That this person was clever enough to find a way to hide from Obie was duly noted. "Okay. So you want to play vizier to my sultan, eh?" "Exactly. Advisor to you. In return, you help me out and I get the number two position of power. Maybe you let me rule one of your worlds after you've gotten done transforming it. Sound reasonable?" Ben paused. "Obie. Voice analysis of intruder's statements. Is he sincere?" "As far as can be determined, yes. Though he may be able to disguise that as well as his presence." The supercomputer sounded unhappy. He could feel his plans being reworked every moment by this unknown variable. Ben paused again. The means to conquer hundreds of thousands of worlds was in his grasp, and having someone he could boast to was quite attractive. "Very well, then. So long as you serve me to the best of your abilities, I accept your offer. Cross me, though, and you shall be reduced to the lowest of the low." Happosai chuckled and appeared by simply dropping his Dimensional Warp technique. "No worries, though I want to specify the world you'll remake for me.." Ben smiled, seeing something of himself in the short little man before him. "First thing, we need to deal with those who oppose me above. Any suggestions, Vizier?" "Why, yes," Happosai grinned back at the man. "I think that a few upgrades in your defenses would be the first thing. Then we can work on some of the little details." -------------------Five Hundred Fifty years later----------------- Happosai sat back in a cushion and allowed one of the slave girls to refill his goblet. THIS was the life. Ben shoved a couple of clinging girls away from him and regarded his vizier. "Happosai. We've done it. Every race, every planet, all remade to my specifications either by us directly or through the Remotes. I am the ruler of an Empire that spans galaxies, and have had my every desire satiated." "Yes," Happosai nodded happily. "And you're even more bored than I am." "So what are you grinning about?" "I knew this day would come, you see. I've been planning for it since I met you." Happosai nodded. "What you need is a challenge." "What were you suggesting?" Ben Yulin was so bored that even sex with dozens of exotic slave girls had become routine. ESPECIALLY that had become boring. "Simple. Obie, have you analyzed the mirror yet?" "Yes, Happi. It's a device for navigating alternate timestreams." "Set coordinates for my home dimension, then, two minutes after I left." Happosai glanced over at Ben Yulin. Ben paused, but nodded. "Make it so." --------------Earth Orbit, Ranmaverse prime +30, 6/25/93---- "We're there," announced Obie's pleasant voice. "Earth?" "Not your Earth, which is a radioactive cinder. No, this is MY Earth. Obie, do you have your standard transformation package loaded?" Happosai chuckled evilly. He was especially good at it after decades of practice. "Yes," the resigned voice of the computer sighed. "Can you *exclude* certain individuals from the change? Target specific ones for specific alterations?" "Of course," Obie sounded a little more interested as things began moving in at least a different direction, "as long as I have a good fix on the individuals." "Now, Obie, how small and inconspicuous can you make monitoring cameras and robots?" "Quite small. Fly sized spybots, if that's what you mean." "Well, I want you to set up cameras and microphones, or the equivalent, in a few of my favorite old haunts before we start playing this game. Then we can have some fun..." Obie grumbled a bit, but as he was constrained to obey, there was little he could do. So many loopholes had been closed off, either by Ben or Happosai over the years, that he couldn't do even some of the things he could have when they'd gained control of him all those years ago. Obie located the school, the house, the two restaurants, and finally the village. Objects in each place were subtly changed to include devices that could monitor and relay the situations that would occur around them. "Standard slavegirl alterations?" Ben asked from his cushions, shoving an amorous slavegirl to the side. Even when they all looked identical to his dreamgirl, he had become bored with the whole thing. "Not quite. Later, perhaps. You see, here we have the opportunity to cause a few individuals MUCH greater anguish than turning them into my private harem. I have thought long and hard on this, and believe this punishment to be a thousand times worse. Observe, O Sultan... "Obie. Record the following pattern under codename 'Mama's Little Girl'. There will be two patterns, a Subject A (identified as the Mama hereafter), and Subject B (identified as Baby hereafter)." "You sound like a lawyer, Happosai." Ben said with a smirk. "When dealing with Obie, one often has to." Happi turned back to address the computer. "Continuing transaction. Mama will be pregnant, with the Baby as the eight month old girl child that the Mama is pregnant with. Both Baby and Mama are to be completely healthy, with normal development except that Baby will have all memories and identity from prior to the transformation intact- just be unable to act in a manner out of the ordinary for a human child of that age." "Most people would go insane under those conditions," warned Obie. "Add then that they can't go insane, just sleep a lot. That'll at least get 'em through most of the month. Since we're going to go with multiple births, make sure the Mamas will have a LOT of milk. Oh, and since at least one of the Mamas-to-be doesn't have a lot of experience with it, make sure there's a basic skill package including programmed reflexes for childcare, strong maternal urges, that sort of thing. This is gonna be psychological and emotional torture, not physical. Oh, and the children will be beautiful little girls, even if they didn't start out that way, got it?" "Recorded. You're a sick and twisted little man, Happosai." "Thank you, Obie, I try. Finally, neither the Mama nor the Baby will know how this happened or why this happened, but they will all know WHAT has happened. The Mamas will also know who they're carrying. Lock and load." "Locked. Working out variables to impose. Ready." "This is *different* I suppose," said Ben with a yawn. "If it doesn't work out, we'll try something else." Happosai shrugged. This is something we can come back to later, just as long as the monitoring devices continue to record. Now to specify the Mamas and their Babies..." ---------------------------------- Ranma eventually became aware that Cologne was trying to get his attention. "Well, son-in-law? What are you going to do about it?" "What CAN I do about it? In a month, I'm going to..." Ranma turned a little green at the thought. "The chi signatures bear out your own convictions. In one month you will have four baby girls. They are, were, will be," Cologne stopped and shook her head as she tried to determine what phrase to use. "Anyway, you'll give birth to Shampoo, Ukyou, Kasumi, and Nabiki. "If we go through with the ceremony now, they'll be born Amazons and I can help you out a LOT more than I really can now. It would certainly be best for Shampoo, and I've long suspected Ukyou would have done well as a member of the Tribe." "Babies..." Ranma seemed to be staring at nothing in particular. "Four of 'em. Oh my." "I'm not thrilled about being 'with child' myself, Ranma." Cologne sighed deeply, but couldn't help but glance in a mirror at an image of herself that she hadn't seen in centuries. She was back to being in her mid-30s from the look of it. "Hmmph. I'm an Elder, and not going through this is one of the benefits of surviving to a ripe old age. AND look at who I'M carrying. Mousse, Ryouga, Tatewaki, Kodachi. They'll automatically be tribe members, but do we really want them?" "What about Mom?" "Soun, Akane, Genma, and Akari, as near as I can tell. She's doing fine." "Any idea WHY?" Cologne sighed. "Son in law, if I knew that, I'd be well on my way to figuring out the how or the who. If I could do that, I might find a way to put things aright. As it is, take your prenatal vitamins, get as much exercise as you can, and keep nearby. I've sent for Ling Ling and Lung Lung, as well as three other Amazons to help, but we've got to hold out for a week at least before they get here." "Oh my," Ranma repeated, lost in a private daze. ------------September 3, 1993--------------------- It was...relaxing, Nabiki felt. Also boring as hell, but at least she wasn't alone. It was completely dark in this cramped little space, but that didn't keep her from observing. And while it was difficult, you COULD hear some things. Nabiki didn't remember dying, but she knew SOMEHOW where she was. She was a baby, in with three others, waiting to be born. She assumed it was some sort of cosmic screw up that she could remember her past life. You weren't supposed to, at least she didn't think so. The distant voice of their mother reached them, distorted by the mediums, almost drowned out by the steady heartbeat and other little noises that surrounded them. "So am I an Amazon now?" There was a brief pause. "Well, good, I suppose. I dunno about raising 'em all as Amazons though." Nabiki scowled as best she could. She was going to be born an Amazon? Would she be related to Shampoo? That thought wasn't as disgusting as she thought it should be, but she attributed that to the shock of being reborn. --------------October 1, 1993------------------------ "I AM PUSHING!" Ranma screamed and cursed and yelled and pushed. "THIS REALLY SUCKS!" Cologne managed to be a little more dignified, but then, she'd gone through all this before. "It'll be over in a moment, Ranma. (Urk!) See the benefits of 4000 years of Chinese Amazon (UNGH!) History. Mind over (Gak!) Matter. Control your environment (ack! ffft!) not let it control you." "Amazing how all three of them went into labor at the same time." Ranma howled how she didn't think this was at all amazing, and that somehow somebody was going to pay for this. "That's one," said the doctor to Ranma. "Only three more to go." If anything, Ranma's scream of rage and frustration was louder than the first one. --------------- "This is... embarrassing." Ranma looked down at the little girl currently suckling and tried to ignore the many feelings sweeping over her at the sight. Doctor Mizuno looked at the three beds, with the three mothers breast feeding their children, and had to admit this was one of the more unusual groups to come through. Ranma was currently feeding the greedy one they'd decided would be named 'Nabiki'. Cologne was feeding the girl with a boy's name, Tatewaki. Nodoka was feeding a baby girl named Genma and quietly talking to the infant. Cologne looked to the doctor from across the room. "Have you noticed some of the unusual things about this yet, Doctor?" "Other than that each of you gave birth to four children, that somehow you're able to feed those children far more often than you should, that the births themselves were unusually easy in at least two cases..." Cologne waved that last point off. "Both I and Mrs. Saotome have had children before. In my case, I've learned quite a bit about delivering children over the years." ======================================== end part one. yeah, this is sick and twisted. this is Happosai, remember. i figure he'd be amused as all get out by something like this. Just watching Ranma waddling like a duck would be enough to have Happi rolling on the ground. this is what i came up with trying to rewrite the original "Happosai's Big Adventure" story. Any better than the original? this ain't nearly finished, even as a one-shot. Heck, just dealing with one of the children trying to overcome their current condition could take an entire chapter. not sure i want to explore this angle though, even though it fits the sick & twisted sufficient for it to be a Happi Vengeance story... gregg