Now Printing by Gregg Sharp ===== i don't own Ranma 1/2, all char trademarked by them that do. -------------------- "I'm sorry, Akane," Ranma-chan looked down at the upset Akane, "but the male Ranma you knew no longer exists as you know him." Akane's temper abruptly pulled a Ryouga and got lost. Grabbing her shinnai, she began swinging it at the target of her confusion and anger, for all that the girlish version of Ranma in front of her was essentially a noncombatant who'd almost never strike back. "YOU IDIOT! You're not Ranma at all, are you!" Ranma dodged and ran, it was all that she could do to remain ahead of the wildly swinging tomboy who was doing her level best to bat Ranma's head out of the park. "That's the way you're gonna be, STAY a girl for the rest of your life, see if I care!" Ranma stopped at the edge of the pond, "Akane, no, please." ---------------------- Toltiir stopped the moment. "Is this the point you wanted?" "Yes." The figure looked amused. "Lots you can do here." Toltiir gave a catty grin. "I personally would be tempted to do the genie disguise, show up when she says 'stay a girl forever' then grant it. See if Akane is actually capable of feeling guilt, or if she just transfers the whole blame to Ranma." "Or instead of stopping at the pond, Ranma could keep running, eventually finding a life for herself far away from Nerima. No, what I've planned for this is just a slight change in the angle of the fall. Instead of the second bump on the head miraculously healing the first injury, it has the more likely effect of making it worse." "Done." The cat yawned. "A change of .0001 degree of arc is all that's required." ------------------------- Akane felt the fury drain away. Ranma's head had struck the rocks lining the pool again, this time the pinkish tint beginning to stain the water was indicating that all was most definitely NOT well. "Oh my, Akane!" Kasumi stood there in her nightgown, looking at Akane and then at the partially submerged Ranma. She made a move towards Ranma and then stopped, watching her sister. "Uhm, I didn't mean..." Akane put the shinnai behind her. "It just happened! It was an accident." "Akane?" Her father and Mister Saotome looked back and forth, having also been awakened by Akane's yelling. Kasumi edged past her sister and fished Ranma out of the pond. "Oh my. Someone call Doctor Tofu, his emergency number is in the book by the phone." "How bad?" Genma was beside himself. He knew that Akane got violent, but what could the girl that Ranma had become have done to trigger this sort of reaction? "It's almost an inch long, near the base of the skull." Kasumi applied light pressure as best she could with the edge of her nightgown. "Please hurry!" "...but I didn't mean to." Genma had run inside the house. Soun Tendo began to blubber about how now the "houses would never be joined." "The doctor says he'll be right over..." Genma called from inside the house. "What is going on around here?" A tired looking Nabiki took in the scene. "It looks like a gash about an inch long near the base of the skull, there may be a fracture. Judging from the edema, there's an excellent chance of some internal hematoma." "I didn't mean to do it!" Akane felt tears beginning to form. Akane and Soun Tendo stared at Nabiki, who would later admit that she'd hurt her hand slapping Akane more than Akane had been hurt by it. "Akane, you two have been fighting since the day you met. Sometimes he starts it, sometimes you start it. A lot of times YOU start it. Now what was it that he did that was so terrible you had to kill him?" "I-I-I. He said that the Ranma I knew was DEAD!" "So you have to prove the point by killing him for real." Nabiki sighed. "Look, I've got a lot to do tomorrow that I didn't get done today. Kasumi, can you go boil some water? I'll hold the wound closed while you take care of that." "Nabiki, what?" "Oh, you really want Kasumi around when Doctor Tofu arrives to examine Ranma? I may have caused the boy pain and suffering, but even I'm not THAT cruel." Kasumi didn't quite get it, suffering from the usual Tendo Tunnel Vision, but went to boil the water anyway. With everyone hanging around the pond, Mister Saotome would eventually get dunked anyway. As it was, they used it on Ranma. Maybe if he woke up in male form he wouldn't be quite so bad. ------------------------ "Hello, I'm Doctor Matsudera. You're the group here for Ranma Saotome?" Nabiki hated hospitals. They reminded her of the loss of her mother all those years ago. She'd had no control over the situation then, and she'd spent years gaining control over her life since then. Nabiki had called a few people, and for a fee had told them of Ranma's little visit. The surprise had been that Shampoo had never shown up. "Can someone tell me how this young man is incurring so much head trauma?" The doctor noted that the people in question all involuntarily looked at one young woman in particular. "Well, he's got a fractured skull, evidence of a present concussion as well as a history of past injuries of similar nature. We'd just like to hold him overnight for observation." "Will he be all right?" ------------------- "Airen?" Shampoo looked down at Ranma's still form. An amazon shouldn't cry. She was strong, she was proud, she was an amazon. So why did tears come forth anyway? Mainly silently, though, she didn't want to alert the nurses that she'd snuck into Ranma's room. Ranma twitched as he felt wetness touch his cheek. It wasn't enough to trigger the change, but it started his climb to conciousness. "Sh-Shampoo?" Ranma's whisper brought a glomp, though a light one, as if she were afraid that he would shatter if she gripped too hard. "Airen... Why? Why you got to stay with Violent Girl who no even like you? Why you not stay with Shampoo?" "I sorry, Shampoo." Ranma felt his head, oh that hurt. Bandages wrapping up his head, she must've hit him a real good one. His eyes blinked open. Akane had defeated him in combat? -------------------- "Well, Tendo, I guess this isn't so bad, heh heh." Genma tried to put on a falsely cheerful face. "You're right, Saotome, we'll get the schools united yet. heh heh." Soun tried to respond in kind. Both sighed and looked down. "You don't believe that anymore either, do you?" "Well, I..." "WO AI NI!" Everyone stared at Ranma, who was in the process of glomping Akane. "R-ranma?" Akane went still for a moment. "R-Ranma, ugh, can't...breathe..." "Akane happy to see Ranma?" Ranma had an odd singsong quality to his voice and didn't seem to be noticing that Akane was struggling to free herself, after all, NOBODY escaped the Amazon Glomp. "Oh my." "Sis, that's an interesting shade of purple there." "Tendo! They do feel for each other! Oh, happy day that brings the two schools together!" "Saotome! Let's prepare the invitations!" "...help...can't...breathe..." "Akane hear? Ranma and Akane marry, then live after happily!" "...you're...choking...me...help" "You're going to owe me for this, Akane." Nabiki made a mistake. It was one borne of habit and of familiar contempt. It wasn't her first mistake, nor was it her last. She pulled a small mallet out of her purse and applied it to Ranma's head. Ranma went down. Shampoo stepped out from around the corner. "Uhm, Ranma wake up, see Shampoo, then Ranma act like Shampoo. Why that happen?" Everyone looked down at Ranma as connections were made. "He woke up with Kasumi, and started acting all girly. He wakes up and sees Shampoo and begins to act like Shampoo," Nabiki said in a concerned voice. "Oh my, sort of like imprinting!" Kasumi exclaimed. "That could be terrible." "Ungh." Ranma glanced up, his eyes meeting Akane's briefly. "Uh-oh," said Kasumi, Nabiki, Soun, Genma, Ukyou, and Shampoo in an eerie unison. "Huh?" Akane glanced from one to the other. So Ranma would act like her now, she was the most well adjusted person here, right? So why was everyone backing away from her and Ranma? "Akane..." Ranma stood up, eyes glowing. Everyone (except Akane) took another step back. "Oh my." "...no..." Ranma began to glow a bright blue. "This WILL be interesting," Nabiki as she moved around the corner. "Eh?" Akane looked at Ranma. She was safe, after all. Ranma never hit girls. She could clobber him all day and he'd never do anything to strike back. "BAKA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Mallet appeared. Mallet deployed. Cut to a scene from a baseball series. The announcer: "Here's young Saotome, he swings. IT'S A HIT! Oh, look at that baby go. It's a HOME RUN!" ---------------------- Nerima International Airport (ok, it was a crop dusting takeoff pad with a fancy name) "Come in Tango-niner, we have a UFO appearing on radar, altitude 1200 feet, velocity 32kph, heading in a North by Northeast direction, do you copy?" "Roger that, mission control. It's not the usual guy or the girl though, some new girl." "We copy that, Tango-niner. Is she cute?" "Naw, a little too tomboyish for my tastes. Hey, she's beginning her descent." "Nice hangtime for a newbie." --------------------- "Don't worry about a thing, Kasumi!" Ranma gave Kasumi a thumb's up. "Leave everything to me!" "Ara..." Kasumi looked worried. Ranma was wearing Akane's apron. Ranma was in the kitchen acting quite enthusiastic. This was her third attempt to get into her kitchen and see what was going on. "How much of Akane do you think he's copying?" "Saotome, I think your son has gone a little overboard this time." "Tendo, do you think that _I_ want to face the mallet?" The door slammed open. Akane stalked in. "Where is HE?!" Nabiki noted that little sister was damp. Little sister also had bits of what looked like pond flora sticking up out of her hair. "Sis, come over here a moment. I need to explain something to you." "What is it," Akane growled, she heard her target in the kitchen and was ready for her confrontation. "Doctor Matsudera reviewed the hospital security camera performances by Ranma. He thinks that Ranma is essentially imprinting, some sort of buried survival instinct, like with the neko-ken? Except it is a purely identity crisis kind of thing. He wakes up, sees someone and becomes that person in his mind. After all, being Ranma usually just gets him into trouble, so the head injuries have scrambled his noggin enough that he's not himself." "Nabiki, what are you saying?" "Akane, he's acting like you." "Me? But I'm not like that!" Nabiki stared at her sister for a moment, then wisely decided to let it past. "Or rather he's acting like he perceives you to be. This is honestly how you come across to Ranma, how he perceives you." "How he honestly perceives me?" Ranma came out of the kitchen and brightened considerably. "Oh, Akane! There you are, you're just in time!" Ranma sounded so bright and cheerful that involuntarily Akane began to smile in response. "In time for what?" "DINNER!" Ranma brought out a big bowl of... something. It was green and it was gelatinous, and it was...pulsing? Akane looked down at it, twitching slightly. "Uhm, what is it?" Why was everyone running for cover? Why had they left her? What was going on? "Your favorite! Beef sukiyaki, but it seemed a little plain so I just spiced things up a little." "Is it supposed to be fizzing like that?" Akane sniffed the contents and immediately wished she hadn't. Her eyes crossed briefly and began to water. "Uhm." "ARE YOU GONNA EAT IT OR NOT?!" Ranma snarled, a fitful blue glow snapping into place. "Ranma, the spoon's turning black and curling up." Akane tried to be reasonable, there was something horribly intimidating about Ranma's sukiyaki. "I really think that ..." Ranma had moved with "Chestnut fist" speed. A full spoonful of the sukiyaki had been placed inside Akane's open mouth. "There! It's good, isn't it?" Ranma nodded, sure that the watermelon and garlic had formed the perfect counterpoint to enhance the flavor of the jabaneros, tabasco, and jalapenos. Just to be sure, Ranma had added a little cinnamon and sugar, because Akane just loved cinnamon toast. Or was that Nabiki? Akane tasted the "sukiyaki". She swallowed. She got up, nearly dislodging the bowl, quietly walked to the restroom, and proceeded to get very, very, sick. "But I worked so hard on it..." Ranma sniffled. "I spent so much time trying to make it, just for you! Akane no BAKA!" Akane, still in mid-retch, suddenly produced a small sign in the fashion of Genma-panda. [Help?] --------------- Nabiki watched Ranma go by her, as oblivious to his surroundings as Akane tended to be when getting a mad going. She mentally calculated the cost of having two Akanes in the house, and hoped that this wouldn't actually make matters worse. The tiny mallet struck. Ranma went down. Nabiki checked around, nobody else there, now all she had to do was drag Ranma into a closet or something with a mirror, he'd imprint on himself and return to normal. At least, that was the plan. Nabiki dropped Ranma as soon as the water hit. There was a certain fascinating horror as she saw Happosai glomp Ranma-chan's breasts. As Ranma's eyes began to open. "Oh, no." Nabiki shrank back, accidently thumping into the door, and drawing both parties attention to her. Ranma knew there had to be a way to make money off of this. Hmmm. Maybe he could catch Nabiki and then sell her to Happosai? Lock her in stocks and a blindfold then operate a "spank the ice queen" booth so that everyone she owed money to would pay the big bucks for a little vengeance? No, THIS would be perfect. ---------------------------- "Ranma, this isn't funny!" "Relax, Biki-baby," Ranma chortled as he counted a nice little wad of yen. "You remember when Shampoo was going to kill me, and you were selling me hot water, or any of the other times where you were putting MY life on the line? Well, I'm turning a MUCH better profit!" "Raaaannmmmaaaaa! I'm slipping!" "Now, now, Biki, you know it's going to cost you. Might I say what a wonderful camcorder you have, it is just PERFECT for this little tape. Why, I've made so much on the pre-orders for this, that I'll be able to get one of my very own!" "RANMA! I do not act like this!" Very often, added Nabiki silently. Certainly not to this extent. At least not this week. "Biki! You're not even listening, are you? I'm talking about PROFITS!" Ranma smirked. "Why the ecchi market ALONE guarantees I'll make..." "Nabiki, why are hanging bound, nude, and blindfolded above a large hot tub?" "Akane? I? A hot...tub? TUB?!!! What about all the hissing?" "Looks like a wildlife tape. Uhm. Nabiki, the hot tub is filled with lemon jello and whipped cream..." "Akane, please get me down so I can kill Ranma, he was telling me that he was making a Cream Lemon tape, and I just REALLY want to give him my critique." "Much as I'd like to, Nabiki, he's going back to the hospital. He's going to get better, stop doing this imprinting stuff. THEN you can kill him." A few moments later, Nabiki was relieved to be standing again, the blindfold off. "So that's how he honestly perceives me?" Akane nodded. "Some things you'd just rather NOT know." ------------------------- well, that's it, yeah i COULD have continued it, but this pretty much sets up a decent pun and a nice little question? What do you see as happening in this alternate universe? Does anyone treat Ranma different once they've seen things from HIS angle? Nah, i didn't think so, either. If this wins "the Bet"? Ranma's in the hospital with Akane, Shampoo, and Ukyou snoozing nearby. He wakes up and imprints- on Dr Tofu. Figuring that he may have discovered a shiatsu technique, he experiments...on a sleeping Akane. All this and a Doctor Ranma Ono too. ja ne.