Third Labor Chapter 22 - Catgirls & Mages Wild by Gregg Sharp ===== "Society: when someone else's poor planning becomes your problem." Disclaimer: uhm see any number of previous chapters. the writers are not responsible for any ill effects from reading this and snorting cola out of your nose or anything like that. ------ One of the copies of Jared Saotome stood on Terra Two and wanted to make a speech. There was nobody around to hear him, but he wanted to do it anyway. So he did. "Today, 'Project Payback' is a reality, no - too cliche. Ahem. It's alive! No, too overused. Let's see... how about..." The Mage pondered briefly. "Four score and... no too inappropriate. It's about time, it's about space, it's about two girls in the strangest place... No - NOBODY will get THAT reference." Jared considered but trying to come up with something original and sufficiently glorious wasn't working. "Oh well, maybe next time. Here goes." He threw the lever. Machines began working, a cycle of feverish construction beginning at the molecular level, at the end of which they'd shut themselves down. He just hoped it would work. As for him, there were a few million other things he should be doing. --------- Ranma/Akumakun timeline: Soun, sweeping at the door of the rebuilt Tendo home, looked up on hearing distant thundering to see a heavily scratched and beaten Genma-Rat (hairless panda) bearing down on him with thousands of playfully violent catgirls rampaging in pursuit. Closing from the other direction he heard his youngest daughter crying. "What a Haul! What a HAUL!!" To the accompanying sound of practically the entire female population of Nerima in pursuit trying to reclaim their lost underthings. From a third avenue, Grey closed in, arms full of cat toys that he frantically scattered behind him in a vain attempt to distract the untimely throng of pheromone crazed catgirls following him. Behind him, Soun heard the doors to the house lock. He twitched. -------- Jared had remorselessly hunted down most of the catgirls. Well, okay, there was some remorse. Actually, there was kind of a lot. This bothered him somewhat, because the vast majority of the catgirls had been happy and well adjusted in very short order. Most had begged and pleaded *not* to be turned back. He'd gotten a charm for one very nice policewoman, so that once she found her partner (obviously hiding for the three days for the change to become permanent) she could remove the transformative bite. Nabiki had been *very* busy. And busy trying to avoid him as well. What surprised him was how good she was at it. She'd been to the orphanage. All the little meowing and playing catgirls had been a touching sight. Especially after the director had told him that almost all the little catgirls had been spoken for now by parents who just couldn't believe how cute the little tykes were. Jared just hadn't been able to bring himself to restore their humanity when they were so much happier than they had been. Though seeing them on the playground singing "(cat)Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" had been disconcerting. She'd been to the School For The Disabled. It had been heartwrenching to hear the pleas for them to remain as catgirls. Returning *them* to normal, no, he just couldn't do it. As with the others, he simply cut the spread of the transformation. Jared had spent a few moments watching nimble young catgirls doing acrobatics and scampering along treelimbs, discarded white canes and wheelchairs littering the ground. Nabiki had visited a hospital in Juuban specializing in burn victims, and many disfigured young ladies had delighted in their new forms. Many realized in a way that the disabled and the orphans had not, that they would be outsiders and viewed as less than human by many of their own countrymen. Well, he couldn't very well transform *them* back if he hadn't changed the others, could he? Again and again he was just behind or had "just missed" the errant catgirl. At an emergency room here. At a cancer treatment facility there. At a plastic surgery center over there. And everywhere he went, Jared heard the same comments. "Bless that girl." "I offered to pay her, but she said me being happy was payment enough." "She said something about it being the duty of a superhero catgirl to help out the needy. Weird girl. Nice, but weird." "She said she was engaged, if she changes her mind..." Jared was *most* unhappy with Nabiki. Even after finding out that she'd somehow discovered that having a catgirl bite silver removed the further spread of the transformation, and getting most of those she transformed to do so as a condition of their transformation, it was *still* a mess. Never mind the effects on the society. Never mind the trials and difficulties those transformed would face. Never mind the panic this could cause. No, Nabiki had to go off on her own and try to save the world by herself. Jared wasn't sure how he was going to deal with the kitten, but he'd think of something. He partly admired her, after all this was the sort of chaos *he* would consider doing. But he had to remind her that there *were* consequences. "Oh the humanity," swore Jared, posing dramatically. Then noticed something happening near the Tendo dojo. He'd have to look into that. -------- Naoko Takeuchi flipped a page and continued sketching. This was too good to pass up. Her two friends had snapped pictures, and were now just trying to relax around all the furries. Amieow purred from where she had draped herself protectively against her mate and settled in for some long snuggling. She *radiated* content. Mewkoto, taller than any of the others, likewise purred and snuggled. Grey found *herself* purring and managed to cut that out. Amieow to the right, Mewkoto the left, Mineko Aino curled up in Grey's lap, and "Queen" Purrenity leaning up behind her. Of course, the Instant Nannichuan had worn off with the next splash. (Grey hadn't decided if it had *really* been an accident on Haruka's part.) The whole group had prepared to do something unspeakable... Having failed to reach the Tendo house in time, Grey had pleaded with Amieow not to do it. She (though really a he) had cringed (the only alternative to fleeing was fighting and the idea of hurting even an overenthusiastic feline Ami was less than palatable) and closed her eyes and waited. And immediately had to deal with a lot of bawling catgirls who were apologizing in between inarticulate sobbing. Ami listened to her husband. Didn't always agree with him/her, but she listened. And had started crying her eyes out. Fortunately not literally but it *had* basically started snowballing among all the others. And amidst all the mutual apologizing, tearful confessions, they'd slowly gotten to a slow grooming and the current mass cuddle. Naoko finished sketching more of the catgirls. THIS would sell and even if it were a girl's series the catgirls would interest enough guys to make it popular across the gender border. She was just glad that SHE had been turned back. With catgirls as with purple cows, she'd rather see than be one. Her friends would agree with that sentiment wholeheartedly, but looking at the scene before them, still felt a bit of envy. ------ A furry arm stretched alarmingly far around the doorframe, trying to get at the lock to open it. Ranma was cowering behind a chair, shivering in terror. "Arrre you sure they can't get in?" Jared looked at the arms already sliding through gaps he would have thought too small to fit through and hated to admit he wasn't. But then, with fully two thirds of the world's catboy population on one side of that door and an equal proportion of the catgirls out on the other, he was surprised it was holding as long as it did. SASAMI stood nearby, biting a fingertip in terror. "They've got some of them trying to reprogram my access codes. They're better than the local humans of this world, too." Honestly though, she knew better. All she had to do was cut all lines of communication and put up full shields. One or two of the catgirls scanned as having sufficient power that they *might* eventually get through, but the discharge of energies would fry the remaining catgirls as well as the surrounding neighborhood. And somehow, the threat to her inhabitants wasn't deemed as great as if they were surrounded by zombies or zuthenki. Jared folded his arms. "You know I've got to deal with this." "Thousands of affectionate catgirls? Yep, I can see that!" Ranma was quite serious. The concept of thousands of Nabiki out there, waiting to pounce on him and get all affectionate - it was frightening. Give him someone screaming death threats and attacking from ambush any day of the week over THAT. The Pheonix Mage rolled his eyes. "Well, Neko-chan," he brought up a finger, eyes ablaze. "I can see only ONE case for remedy in this situation, in order to save the remaining girls of Japan!" "Rrrrrealy? What?" Ranma-neko asked, ears folded flat as he watched the arm feeling around. "Yeah, what?" SASAMI chirped, looking nervously at the door. She could shoo them away by an ultrasonic wail, but Jared was an elf and that might hurt him as well. Likewise, she could pump electricity in higher and higher voltages through the outside of the house, but enough power to cause one catgirl discomfort would flash-fry another. Jared folded his arms, looking solemn. "A long time ago, in a very different place. I was playing D&D with my friends and the DM asked us to prepare characters starting at 25th level for a campaign he had in mind. Two characters each, all triple classed." The mage sighed solemnly. "Sadly, we were overwhelmed by the threats prepared. But!" Again that finger held triumphantly. "Both of my characters survived, though in hiding. Never again did we essay that adventure, but both those characters still live. I will call one of them to this place, the one known as The Vis. More properly known as *El* Vis. A triple classed mage- fighter-bard of 25th level, who also happened to be the only male Siren ever found!" Ranma splashed himself with cold water as the booms of distant construction machinery thrummed hollowly against their walls. Jared was in righteous declaration pose. "He, in his rhinestone-studded field plate was awesome to behold! With his intelligent wand known as Mike he was able to sing his magic songs without limit of times a day! In deference to it's master the wand always wished to be known as *the* Mike, and would broadcast forth his voice in song for miles! Nor was that the end of his ability! As with Ulysses men could plug their ears to stop the power of his song, so El Vis wears over his armor a magical tabard similar in function to a Robe of Scintillating Colors! His *voice* would charm, his very *appearance* would charm! He could scarcely go for a meal in a tavern without acquiring groupies! But still that was not all! For knowing of the perfidity of men who would seek to slay him he kept in stock a mighty, mystical perfume whose very *aroma* would charm! Thus even blind-deaf mutes who had bad taste in music would fall to his many charming abilities. It was virtually impossible to attack him without using the undead!" "Meow, is this rrreally supposed to help?" Ranko-neko found her tail lashing and clutched it with both hands to stop the irritating motion. Idly, she wondered why Jared hadn't changed *her* back. "Well," Jared admitted, rubbing his chin. "It wasn't entirely *supposed* to, I was just having fun. But now that you mention it, the guy could pull the most awesomely successful Pied Piper routine of all time. Since I'd hate restoring catgirls back into orphans and burn victims they could all just trot off to a new plane somewhere and everyone would be happy. But frankly, I'm just in this to cause trouble." The Mage flung wide his arms. "Behold! El Vis!" Poof! A male siren with carefully groomed black hair rose out of the cloud of mist, glittering rhinestones scattered on his white armor. He arose singing while lights played upon him and a delicious scent caught the air. "Love me tender..." It was interesting the way Ranko-neko could run at speeds that defied sound, her tail lashing in the brief cloud of dust that was her only sign of disappearance. SASAMI opened a window briefly for her to leap out of. There was a yelp of genuine terror as Ranma was plucked out of the air by a lot of grasping hands. There was a momentary surge of both wounded pride and relief as she was discarded as not being the catgirl they were looking for. Then the terror really began as Shampoo, Ukyo, Kodachi, Sayuri, Yuka, and a few catgirls Ranma could not immediately name pounced on her and started looking for hot water. Jared chuckled to himself as Washu would have done. "Um, did I forget to mention that since this is an illusion everyone is immune?" He snapped his fingers. "Oh well! Must have slipped my mind somehow." Watching this, a certain black cat smiled. An illusion? That would *never* do! Suddenly SASAMI's holographic image sprouted furry ears and a tail. Her eyes widened as she became aware of her core programming being threatened. Catgirl hackers get creative if blocked from what they want. As the doors and windows came rushing open to fill the house with a tide of frisky furry felines, Jared was inspired to think of something that might actually *work*, at the same time as it became known that his Lina Inverse marionette *had* learned to do one spell right. A Teleport Block. Unfortunately, SASAMI's core program indicated an assault. True to the original design, TSUNAMI woke up. -------- There was in Evermeet a very rare race of elves that were to all intents and purposes good aligned natural werewolves. The Pheonix Mage had met them while there arranging for a fiesty vampiress to be restored to life by the Queen. Thus it was not entirely unexpected that in desperation he just crammed [elf] *into* the [species=catgirl] as he was about to go under the tide. There were suddenly throngs of normal appearing elven woman standing around wondering how they could have so totally lost control of themselves. Jared was, by then, safely hiding not only under but *inside* a sofa, knowing that the only reprieve here was none of them knew how to control their transformations yet. Wait until the next full moon. When was it again? Oh dear. Several ladies asked themselves if that sofa might really have gulped? Jared shivered inside his cushions. While not strictly *controlled* by the phases of the moon they would get the impetus to learn to switch between their forms by conscious thought. And he had what, an hour? Before the sunset and moon rose? Images of thousands of elven werecats leaping and cavorting in the moonlight, immune to all weapons save silver or magic, and possessed of who-knows-what new abilities galavanted around his head. It might be time to leave now. Oh well, at least his marionettes would remain unaffected. Right? Then Jared's well used danger sense went from reading several minor threats to "This might be a good time to leave this timeline altogether." The problem was that THIS threat wasn't focused in a single direction but seemingly everywhere, and getting more intense every moment. --------- The original TSUNAMI had been built to take over if SASAMI and her family had come under a threat sufficient that SASAMI couldn't handle it. SASAMI was sweetness and light, a helpful little girl. TSUNAMI, well, wasn't SASAMI. TSUNAMI had been upgraded in the construction by Grey, who worried about such things as pandimensional raiding kunoichi and mutant half-angel agents of Hell. 1 picosecond. TSUNAMI noticed the power levels at 5/5. This would never do. Power increased to 20/20. Intruders present in home. Hacking found at several levels. SASAMI base personality compromised. Attack upon household members noted. Household members transformed by intruders. Attack on genetic level? 2 picoseconds. 249 battle plans devised and scrapped. Records indicated transformation occurred via bite. Invasive attack similar to viral agent. Countermeasure development begun. Restoring SASAMI from previous backup. 3 picoseconds. Outer walls sealed via containment field. Scan of invaders complete. Countermeasure developed but will require subdual of infected to administer. Beginning attack. -------- Jared *felt* the danger level increase from "can we go now?" to "so this is it, we're going to die" before he could take in a single breath. Energy fields slammed into place at every door and window, crackling with some plasma discharge that turned catgirls into startled and screeching furballs immediately. Then the noise. A high ultrasonic screech that was painful to elves but absolutely unbearable to catgirls. Humans merely got a dull ache. As had been calculated. Jared held his ears, trying to focus on the source of the danger as the elven (formerly catgirl) girls in the room rolled around on the floor going for fetal positions. The mist being released from the vents gave him an idea but... The elves in the room shuddered and turned human again. Jared thought for a few moments, then realized that the mist wasn't moving with the air currents. No magical aura, and they seemed to move as if each wisp was an independent entity. Which meant one thing that he could think of. Medical Nanobots. Lots and lots of medical nanobots. --------- A certain black cat watching frowned. Well, it had been amusing. Still, it wouldn't be that hard to have the "catgirl/elven" curse mutate further. After all, he'd made the thing in the first place. So, one elven werecat survived. Good enough. Now she would be able to spread this altered curse, but just to make it interesting... [Set Race = variable A, permanently base form after first selection, choice made by habits/hobbies/tastes of original persona] [ListRace= high elf, dark elf, sky elf, sea elf, human] [Set WereForm = variable B, permanent after first transformation will lock as transformed form] [ListWere= werecat, naiad, dryad, selkie, oriad, sylph, pixie][Trigger Transformation = Set As Variable C, will not change after established] [ListTrig = emotional stress, cold/hot water, full moon/sun, sneezing, act of will, random word] Toltiir nodded. Now some of them could be elves who transformed at odd times into pixies or werecats. He left the ease of snipping, that way if it didn't turn out funny someone else could fix it. In the meantime he also fixed the spreadability by setting a limit of transformees. Only Nabiki could spread the catgirl curse now, and only the escaped Minna could spread the elven version. Hmmm. He might have to add mousegirls, foxgirls, and a couple of other varieties - making catgirls more Japanese/Asian. Hmmm. Toltiir considered. Having the other countries go into panic about the whole thing and start lobbing weapons of mass destruction at Japan to prevent the spread of this wouldn't be funny. So a minor change, yes, just a little one. Now to sit back and watch how it developed. --------- Nabiki walked straight up to the Tendo home, her head (and tail) held high. She'd helped LOTS of people! As soon as she'd found out what the catgirl transformation could do, she'd been generous with it. Lots of unhappy people were now much happier! She was a good kitty! "THERE YOU ARE!" "Nya?!" Nabiki blinked. ~Uh oh. Ranma. Shampoo. Ukyo. They look very unhappy.~ "Rrrranma! Nabiki good kitty! Errrr, right?" "How many people did you turn into catgirls, Nabiki?" "NYA!" The voice coming unexpectedly behind her caused Nabiki's fur to poof out. She landed atop a telephone pole and could feel her heart racing. "A few..." "Ahem," Jared said. "Fourteen orphans that hadn't been able to find homes. Thirty five disabled girls at the school. The burn ward - seven. The emergency room - three. The cancer center - nine. The plastic surgery center - four." "Well... Maybe it was anotherrr catgirl?" Jared frowned. "Oh no, the two women whose mascectomies were reversed were *quite* descriptive. Do. You. Have. Any. Idea. What. You've. Done!" Nabiki whimpered. "...would ya believe I'm just a cute lil' catgirl? EEEK!" Shampoo had kicked the pole, causing a jolt to travel up and knock Nabiki off. "Shampoo very unhappy about being turned into catgirl." "Waaaaahh! I just wanted to do the right thing! I just didn't want to be a heartless mercenary any more! Waaaaaaah!" Nabiki proved herself the child of Soun Tendo with the geyser of tears. Ranma-chan found herself being glomped by a distraught catgirl Nabiki. And quite uncertain of how to proceed. Ukyo and Shampoo exchanged a look, rolled their eyes, and took a deep breath. They were still unhappy with Nabiki for being turned into catgirls, however brief that had been, and were also unhappy with the way she was glomped onto Ranma, but the catgirl was coming apart at the seams. "Why did ya turn us into catgirls anyway?" Ukyo asked when the broken sobbing had subsided, hoping to get the girl talking and maybe onto more stable ground. "Because it's so great to BE a catgirl," Nabiki answered into Ranma-chan's shoulder. "Everything is just so much more alive. And then... we could *all* love Ranma..." Ukyo and Shampoo took a simultaneous step back and made warding gestures while Ranma-chan froze with wildly staring eyes. "ALL?!" Three non-catgirls exclaimed simultaneously. Nabiki still clutched Ranma as if to a lifeline. "Mmmmhmmm." "That's... that's..." Ukyo was trying to come up with a phrase that conveyed her dismay at almost being part of a group marriage. "Very feline," said Shampoo, understanding. "Catgirl not just look like cat, she think like one also." "You're not going along with this, are you, sugar?" Ukyo took a step away from the Amazon. "No, but understand now where catgirl coming from. Maybe get airen's brother complete transformation, turn catgirl into real cat, then we find nice tom for her." Shampoo threatened half-seriously. Ranma-chan yelped as Nabiki's claws dug in. Then again as Ukyo started trying to pry Nabiki off with her spatula. Jared stepped forward and Nabiki tensed. He was going to do something horrible- nasty. She just knew it. "Good kitty," Jared said, relaxing as he scratched her behind the ear. "You've done good, Nabiki. You helped others without asking for anything yourself. Good job." Nabiki blinked in surprise, then relaxed into the scratch and grinned. "NYA!" --------- A half hour later, (and ignoring the way Nabiki was curled up in Ranma's lap getting jealous looks from Ukyo and Shampoo), Jared turned off the computer and sat back. He'd felt a veritable tsunami of magical force, and had known that something had been left altered in its wake. But what? To that end he'd gone to SASAMI and asked for a comparison. As SASAMI's origin was extradimensional, as was his, there was a certain resistance to changes in a timeline affecting them personally. SOMETHING had changed attitudes worldwide. There had ALWAYS been catgirls, faerie, the occasional elf, turning up in families. At least according to the internet NOW. They had special needs, but it wasn't regarded as particularly bad, merely different. Any family, after all, could turn up a catgirl or other changeling. Though catgirls were more common in asian populations than elsewhere. Oddly enough, the British and French had mousegirls, the Chinese and Vietnamese had foxgirls (called vixens) and there were a few other odd 96% human animorphs out there. There were pluses and minuses to be sure, but catgirls seemed to have avoided most racial prejudices since about 240 AD. Romeo and Juliet were pulled apart by their families, and the reason given was that Juliet had been an elfgirl. Joan Of Arc had been a catgirl? Teddy Roosevelt had given the first Cabinet position to a dryad (Dept of the Interior) in the US? They were still looked down on, a bit, particularly in Japan. Generally viewed as fluff though much in demand as Office Ladies and Girl Fridays. Studying abroad was the usual solution to the more academically inclined catgirl/elf/faerie. Particularly studying in America, where catgirls and elfgirls and the like could hold down normal jobs and had something approaching full rights. (Apparently affectionate and caring got them more sympathy and advocates than if they had been strident and militant.) England and Canada were also popular choices. On the other hand, nobody in their right mind would send a self-respecting catgirl to Libya or several other countries (mainly Islamic) where they were legally property. TV programs showing during the day, obviously syndicated from an earlier time. A program with two catgirl troubleshooters from the WWWA- "the Dirty Purr"? "Yosei-ou" - a program about a teenage boy whose mother was an elfgirl, only to discover that he's the inheritor to an ancient kingdom that the elves had originally come from? "Felicity's Gotta Dance" with a catgirl teaching dance- aerobics? A winged elfgirl doing traffic and weather news? Who could have done such a thing? -------- Grey had been accussed, repeatedly, of not being in even the top 20 sharpest tools in the shed. However, on finding himself (or more accurately at the moment *her*self), in the middle of large furry group cuddle that was radiating Warm And Fuzzy waves sufficient to turn into a puddle anyone of a romantic bent even coming nearby, she was *not* sufficiently an idiot as to try to disturb any of her fellow (again - at the moment) catgirls. She was stroking Mineko's soft mane with a free hand, just enjoying the comforting warmth of having Amieow nearby, and Mewkoto, and even Queen Purrenity was being less "Queenly" and more just plain cuddly. What did you call this strange sensation? It was like not being threatened, only more so. It was... contentment. Yes, that was what it was called. Grey relaxed again, feeling the purring from Mineko increase again as she resumed scratching behind an ear. Music began to intrude from some source, luring the catgirls away, saying that they should approach, that things would be better - over here. Mineko gave an inarticulate noise of protest. She was pretty okay with her current position. Amieow likewise indicated her satisfaction with her current arrangement. The music increased in volume. One by one, the catgirls left. Grey looked up, puzzled as Amieow and Mineko smiled and walked away. Queen Purrenity left a step behind them. Getting up, and wondering who was singing, Grey followed. Instead of following the music, though, she was following Amieow. The music just didn't register as nearly as important. ------- Jared flew through the air with the greatest of ease. Mainly because from a height it was the best overview he could get of the area. Double checking his "Protection From Charm" spell, he made a note of the area all the girls in the neighborhood were converging to and went there at full speed (which meant dropping to the ground as his flight speed was only a fraction of his running speed.) The tide was primarily human girls with a range of ages from six to apparently the late 20s. There were also elfgirls, catgirls, Amazons, marionettes(?!), a few pixies and dryads and sylphs in the mix. He *had* to get to the center and dispel this other self. He wasn't sure *what* (Vis was doing) or *how* (he'd gotten there) but one thing was absolutely certain. The Bard was neither needed anymore, nor wanted. ------- El Vis felt the approaching presence of two Who Resisted. They could be any number of things, including outraged husbands/boyfriends/family. If this was the case, they would also come to worship him as soon as they came within his presence. No, one that was approaching quickly was wrapped in powerful magic. No, emitting powerful magic. Interesting, one who was both magical and nature and a powerful mage as well. There were ways of dealing with such, and Vis gestured to his followers, drawing the most powerful closer while the remainder dutifully marched through the Gate. The other was closer and probably the wielder of an artifact. No powerful magic of their own, but associated with something powerful and inhuman. A smile came to Vis' face as he gained a line of sight. A female of these odd catfolk, who had clasped another of her kind and was being dragged forward by the enslaved one. NO female could withstand his charms when directly confronted by them, and it would only take a moment for the artifact to become his. ------- "NO! Amieow! Please!" Grey dug in her heels, cursing the smaller body weight and inability to transform to dragon or something more powerful. Ever since getting stuck in Akane's shape the first time, he'd hated it and wanted to change. Heck, being Gosunkugi wouldn't have been as bad. At least then you could use the bathroom without being ill at seeing someone you genuinely despised every time you passed a mirror. Time had taken the edge off, some. She didn't feel ill using the bathroom, and could bathe (by herself) without being TOO embarassed. (The time Kasumi had come in to share a bath had brought embarassment and uncertainty to new heights.) Feminine hygiene products were still pretty awful, and she'd like to punch the idiots who worked out the ads. "Springtime Fresh" - like hell it was! And the itching! Ugh. However, none of these were as much of a problem right now as the reduced mass. Akane was just over 5'2" in height. Weight: 110 pounds. About even with Ami. Trying to stop Ami was difficult but might have been possible if not for the press of other bodies. It was like a tide, and it was carrying them forward. Then someone grabbed her feet and pulled up and Grey found herself heading for the asphalt. At which point Ami grabbed her arms. A glance behind revealed Mineko at the ankles, Amieow holding her wrists, and Mewkoto coming up to start pummelling. "Compulsion dire, of magical fire, release this spell, Magic - Dispel!" The pulse of magic went out, and failed to rattle the power surrounding the girls. Well, it had been a slim hope anyway. Kicking and thrashing, Grey managed to spin loose, then tried for a desperation attack. Some similar magics were dispelled by a kiss from one's love. Nothing. Ami's lips were warm, soft, pliant, and completely unresponsive. Grey was grappled again and dragged (literally kicking and screaming) through the Gate. ------ Jared saw the spells, saw the weave of magic reverberating and wondered exactly what his options were. Spells of mass destruction were out. Crowd of innocents, even if they were zombied out. Worldgate humming along merrily, no telling what would happen if THAT went. At least five levels of charm spells going. Sneaking in was out, he'd felt the spider thread of a warding spell disturbed by his passage. Simplest measures first. "Shear the spell's enhancement, Cut off the dire enchantment, Restore to normal function, I invoke Mordenkainen's Disjunction!" The spell crackled and disrupted through three layers of charm. "YOU ROTTEN (several expletives deleted) TRY FIGHTING ME INSTEAD OF HIDING BEHIND LOVED ONES, YOU COWARDLY (again more expletives) DIRTY ROTTEN (still more expletives not really appropriate for a family fanfic) GRAVY-SUCKING ANAL- RETENTIVE MORALLY DEFICIENT LOWLIFE BAS-" The rest was cut off as the struggling figure was dragged through the Worldgate. "Now there's a girl whose mouth needs washed out with soap," commented El Vis. ----- "Ah, come come, deal with it. I was only fifth level when I took down a twenty- seventh level drow high priestess. I am *used* to taking down threats higher level than I." Jared/Ashida walked casually around the trussed-up and struggling Siren, then squatting to speak in his face. "And you can stop trying to burst those bonds, also. They're proof against more strength than you've got, and I happen to know that you've never acquired the skills of escape. While I, on the other hand, know Hojo-Jutsu, or the Art of Binding. You aren't getting away under your own power soon." ~like this lifetime.~ The elf's face acquired a touch of gentleness as it spoke to the other. "Besides, I know, and *you* know, that the first thing to do when you've captured a mage you want to keep bound is to break his jaw. I haven't done that, and I'll tell you why." Jared stood up and put his hands on his hips. "Because, dear fellow, having my wives back I am feeling more magnanimous and unwilling to punish you. Mina is fine, and shortly I'm going to be giving all of them stricter defenses. And, when all is said and done, I like you. Plus, there is the awful fact that I like killing drow. Since killing drow is what you've been raising this army *for* you've got a better ally in me than all of them combined." The elvan mage crouched close to the bound one. "That is if you are willing to be friends." The siren had his head free around his gag to either nod or shake his head without strangling himself on the ropes. He nodded. Jared/Ashida leaned close. "Good, but understand that I've just had to defeat you in order to prevent grievous loss to myself. So, a second time." Ashida's eyes began to spark and he drew himself up even while staying crouched. In a deeper and more serious tone he said. "Under the authority of Druidic Ceremony, I hereby witness this oath. Do you, El Vis, hereby swear to treat honestly and fairly with Ashida Sanzennin, also known as Pheonix Mage, Knight of Reason, Jared Saotome and other names and titles which he bears, and do you do so on pain of losing all that you hold dear?" Stiff penalty, and the Siren clearly wasn't pleased. But the oath called for nothing onerous, only honesty and fairness. It didn't even ask obedience, which some might've insisted on (and, oddly enough, the same kind of people that El Vis would have felt most strongly about resisting himself). The gag was removed and the siren spoke. "Yes, I El Vis, do so swear." Jared nodded. "Good." And so then he began to untie the prone form. As he was working he glanced up, calling. "Shan!" The cyborg appeared beside him. "Yes?" She was strangely hesitant, obviously thinking about what he was thinking about their recent behavior. The elf just viewed her kindly. "Hiya, love. Could you please do that elvan werecat bite on all of the girls in our little company? An elf's 90% resistance to charm isn't perfect but it goes a long way. I'll be along in a little while with lycanthrope boosters so they'll have full control of their forms. Well, as near as catgirls ever get to full control, anyway." The cyborg held her power key staff behind her awkwardly, squirming. "Master is not...?" "Mad? Hardly. I love you and care for you and while I disagree with you at times I know you do your best. I wouldn't want you hampering your skills in fear of my temper, just I think I've married enough wives, okay?" The kindness of this response was not lost on her. Her lips trembled noticeably. "And...?" The elf smiled. "The charm? Good grief, do you think I'd be mad because this guy magically ensnared you? It's not you're fault this guy could talk all four legs off a mule and then convince it to go for a walk again! *I* might have fallen for it. We'll just do better next time." Shan burst into tears and powerfully glomped him. "SHAN IS SO HAPPY! Husband is SO loving!!" She began weeping tears at a copious rate, drenching the ground around them. ~Hmm.~ Jared thought. ~She's obviously seen too much of Soun Tendo.~ His skin chilled as he heard her whisper into his cheek. "Siren Song technique, acquired." He was still a little stiff as she flew away to go nibbling on his brides and hopefuls. "Sweet little chickadee." El Vis remarked, climbing to his feet. "Ya mind?" The bard asked, gesturing to his pile of stuff that had been removed for his brief period of imprisonment. Jared shook his head, and the siren began garbing in his stuff. After a moment the elf had recollected enough of himself to turn toward the now-armored siren. "Oh, by the way." He asked. "Your hair please." El Vis grew stock still, frozen in the position of reaching for Mike, his magic wand. The bright elf and part pheonix grew more relaxed as he hopped up to a seat on a nearby boulder. "Come, come. I know the rules. If you'd captured me I would've given you a pheonix feather. Now I'd captured a siren, so fork over some hair." El Vis turned to face the elf with jerky slowness. Jared was joyfully dangling his legs and drumming his heels against the rock. El Vis smiled weakly, then grew solemn. "Mah color hardly suits ya, but y'all have got me right on the money. Ah'll call one o mah chorus girls. Yellow suit ya fine?" The elf shrugged. "Red is more my style, but yellow will be fine." The siren's gaze went upward, to where the helmet no longer covered Ashida's flaming locks. "Little o both then." He said, then set fingers to lips and whistled. A dozen female sirens appeared with a flash, all holding tridents and garbed in silver scales. The male stood straighter and introduced them. "Girls, this here is the Pheonix Mage. He's a friend a mine. Point o fact is, though, I owe him some hair..." The male siren had hardly finished the words when all twelve girl sirens had their knives out and were ready to hack off every strand on their heads if it would save a lock of his. El Vis put his hands out. "Now a lock would do, ain't that right, Ashida?" The bright elf mage gave a nod. El Vis turned back to his sirens. "So Lisa? Marie? If..." Slash! Slash!! Jared was presented with two piles of scarlet and yellow and felt tempted to quote a movie line, ~A lock, not the whole carpet!~ He looked up to see the two sirens arranging their hair so it was hard to tell they were now bald on one side of their heads. "Master..." Sakyo hesitated, standing nearby. "Why?" Jared sighed, looking down at the hair in his hands. Then he had his own knife out and was shaving a good hunk of his head. El Vis made a finger move slightly and now three of his sirens were at that signal helping the elf arrange the new hair - where it suddenly grafted in place and took root. In moments it had acquired the look of fire and a minute later his coiffure was indistinguishable from before. While this was going on he was talking. "A siren's power lies in his... er, her hair, Sakyo. Not one of those well-known secrets. You can't take it from them dead, so it's kind of a ransom. Now their powers are reduced for a year and I just gained... well, a little bit of boost that will go unexpected by most. It's things like this that I've acquired over time that enable me to stretch so far beyond mere level would indicate. Speaking of that, we're all about to go into one of the most torturous adventures I've ever heard of. Our friend here left an untidy mess behind him on a world not long ago and we're going to go help clean it up. if he doesn't mind, could you download these sirens' brain patterns and then go about giving our ladies their underwater and musical knowledge?" Ashida Sanzennin, aka Pheonix Mage, aka Jared Saotome, aka so much else sighed. "Because we are not guaranteed to pull out of this one alive and I'd like every bit of help that might possibly come in useful, however unlikely it is." "In that case," said Grey, rubbing where a particularly nasty blow had landed on her shoulder, "i've got a couple of suggestions." ------ Even against the spellsinger, whose magical might was backed by thousands of drow, there were certain problems with Jared's usual methods. Going in with warfans slicing and dicing would eventually cause him to fall. And with him, his allies. Oh to be sure, he could lead with Earthquake. Follow with enough fire based invocation magic to slag a medium sized city, and then lead the forces into the melee. Problem was, that spellsinger could do things not normally possible with magic. He'd apparently wiped out 95% of the surface elves with just a little preparation. "Okay, you... go." Jared *tried* not to show his distaste and distrust of the front line troops. Using drow even to kill other drow was just wrong. Edema nodded and made a motion. "They ain't bad folks, sugar." Jared looked at the blackskinned, white haired, tall and lean figures, then away. "They're from the Promenade, most of 'em. Those from Aramar are from the Imperial Service and are ardrow, a magically altered drow." Edema made a gesture towards the figures in black garb. "They're drow *ninja*," noted Jared. "Who better to sneak in and free slaves and get out before the main attack?" Edema shrugged. "Do you want to coordinate spells?" "Not necessary." Jared had the situation well in hand, he thought. "Rigel, you and the other espers do scans, incapacitate the good drow and get them out. i *know* some of them are going to be in the prison but there's also likely to be sympathizers and spies." Grey walked around, her tail twitching in agitation. "It won't be easy, but the drow are *heavy* into magic and (like certain elves) tend to discount psi or anything else they can't use." "What about me?" Wisp bounced up and down. "We'll need you to be ready to assist Jared as a go between. He doesn't want to associate with the Promenade elves and they're not that happy with his attitude." Edema considered briefly. "We need to avoid using magic as much as possible, they'll be on the alert for that sort of thing, at least until the assault is underway." Makoto and Shan nodded and cracked knuckles in eerie chorus. A chance to really cut loose. At last! ------- The battle had been long and arduous. Jared dropped the girls he was carrying as the Worldgate closed behind the last girl able to walk. "Well, another battle won, another villain defeated." He took a moment to tug a sleeve closed. Not a hair out of place or a wrinkle in his clothes, mainly thanks to various enchantments stacked upon him. Grey spat a stream of red and checked where teeth had been knocked loose. Still an Akane-catgirl, her hands and forearms were drenched in blood, most of her clothes were gone, and burns and cuts covered most of the exposed skin. "Yeah, well, victory kinda..." Jared winced, hearing the pain in that voice. "Uhm..." "No problem, and at least merged with your 'Scouts' they'll be happy." There was a catch in her voice and she wouldn't look at the Scouts surrounding Jared. Guy at heart or not, what she really wanted to do was go off and have a good cry. "Though, i'm leaving this timeline if i have to bloody well leap in front of moving trains until i dislocate. i am *not* staying here. You should go too. Just being the god of crossovers is going to complicate this timeline." "But I don't feel right leaving this, with her training from Happosai Akane will be in charge before much longer. She's just so..." Jared shuddered slightly. Grey shrugged. "Okay. Well, here's a solution for you." He went on to explain the details. "And its your province after all - a crossover." Jared blinked, then slowly began to grin. "Oh yes. Rescuing an innocent at the same time as I punish the wicked? It *must* be done." ----- Akane blinked awake and flinched as she noticed her fiance nearby. Then began to slowly uncurl as a beating was apparently not about to commence. Akane stared at the scene. There was Nabiki, but not dressed conservatively and with what looked like real cat ears and a tail?! There was Kasumi, dressed conservatively as well. No sign of her various piercings, she wasn't wearing leather, and her hair was long again?! Her father was crying?! But everyone knew Soun Tendo had a heart like flint, the very essence of the stoic samurai. That *was* her fiance Ranma. Except that he was standing next to Ukyo, who was *not* doing her level best to kill him. He also had a kinder look to him, and Nabiki had managed to get underneath one arm and was cuddling against his side?! But Nabiki couldn't stand Ranma, his "whatever feels good" philosophy going right up against her strong religious beliefs. And there was *herself?!* Except a version that was wearing a Western cowgirl outfit and had never had her hair mostly cut off by shrapnel? "Yes, she's the center of the strange dimensional crossrip," the other Akane said. "It looks like our Akane was exchanged with this version. No way of reversing the two, even if it was advisable to do so." Nabiki left Ranma's side to sniff Akane. "She smells mainly the same. Unlike Grey-chan." Akane heard dimensional crossrip and immediately thought Ghostbusters. "Hi, through some means, you've been exchanged with a violent girl known as Akane Tendo. It doesn't look like we can fix it. So..." Jared smiled and explained the situation, carefully avoiding anything that would be an outright lie or which would indicate that he was indeed the person responsible for the switch of an Akane from a "Mirror Mirror" universe with the violent pervert that had been the native. Akane blinked. If this was a dream, she didn't want to wake up. She'd fantasized about things like this since the engagement had been given her. She wasn't engaged to Ranma? Not the target of casual violence? Not made fun of at school by Kuno and the others? Akane shakily adjusted her glasses and looked over the group. But no, she was nice, how could she consign another version of herself to the sort of Hell that had her pray daily for death? The flame-haired boy quickly explained that nobody expected her to fill the original's shoes. She didn't have to be a pervert or insanely violent. Akane reconsidered. Sounded like HER Ranma had an Akane who'd appreciate him. "...so I'm terribly sorry, but there appears to be no way of exchanging you back," finished the boy whom Akane was just now noticing had pointy ears like some elf from her precious hidden Tolkein novels. Or at least they had been hidden and precious until Kasumi had found them. Akane smiled. "Oh. Okay. I understand if you can't do anything about it. I'll just handle it the best I can. It's not like it's anyone's fault." ------ Grey left the household, only to find her way blocked by Nabiki-neko. "Leaving?" The feline asked, eyeing her sister's lookalike. "Before you do, there's one last thing," Jared said, walking up from behind. Grey sighed. This was another occasion where she wanted nothing more than to curl up and die. Except that willing yourself to death didn't work. She'd tried it enough. "What is it?" Jared made sure that Shan was *nowhere* nearby and tapped Grey's head. "Blessed Forgetfulness." It was regretable, but having gone through all this, and watching those she *knew* as wife or friend or cuddlesome fiancee barely recognizing her... Well, Jared had some sympathy. Hopefully Project Payback would work. "Uhm, is that supposed to happen?" Nabiki pointed. Jared blinked and looked down at where Grey was flat on her back, eyes swirling, and purple smoke coming out of her ears. "No. It's just supposed to purge painful memories." Grey faded out, the now empty western cowgirl outfit slumping to the ground. That was okay, Jared knew where the traveler would be. ------ Jared sat back along the fence marking a rubber tree plantation and watched from the shadows. While he had absolutely no desire to interfere, he wanted to see this nonetheless. *Poofle!* A dragon appeared in the air. Jared blinked. "'Poofle?!' He makes an entrance with a 'poofle'?! I have *got* to have a talk with that boy!" The silver dragon hovered momentarily in the air, scanning with eyes and sense of smell even more acute than a normal elf's senses. Given time, he might penetrate the low level glamer that Jared had erected. Except that another silver dragon swooped down on him with a joyous screech, the two slamming down into the surf with a mighty crash and a bugling noise that was draconic laughter. Another silver dragon landed nearby, waiting for the two to stop rolling around before SHE nuzzled the male, with a pair of golds, a bronze, and other dragons landing about the two. The high keening roars of the females and the basso thunder of the male mingled. If anyone from New Lindisfarne was curious, they had sufficient sense not to get close to investigate. Jared smiled as the dragons nuzzled and roared and rolled about playfully, getting acquainted again in their natural forms. Or at least *a* natural form for some of them. "Their presence in the timeline will cause a ripple that will eject the Knights as it passes through the relevent century. He has passed the Labor," came a feminine voice. Jared raised an eyebrow and regarded the goddess nearby. "Celeste, goddess of j- poop?" "J-POP!" Celeste replied testily. Jared shrugged. "You're not going to pull him out of this are you?" "Oh, give him and them a century to finish stabilizing the timeline," Celeste said, not mentioning their relationships. "Then he's got his Fourth Labor." "What's that?" Jared smirked, thinking that it would at least be interesting. Celeste sighed deeply. "He's often said that he couldn't do multiple wives. So it was decided that his next labor will be to choose. ONE. From that selection, a Herculean task indeed." Jared winced. "Herculean? That doesn't even scratch the surface." He thought about it for a long moment, then delicately broached. "Celeste?" "Hmm?" She asked, still looking at the dragons at play and thinking of what a great song this would make. Probably have to inspire a series for it to be a theme song to... "Given who I am," The Pheonix Mage continued, not realizing that he was speaking mostly to himself. "And who Grey is, and what this next labor is, and what my usual attempts to help him do..." The Bright Elf looked down at his hand. The pale glowing sparks of the Lifelink spells that symbolized and connected him mentally/metaphysically with each wife had long since ceased being a single glowing point of light or even a small cluster of them, now appearing more like the shadow of a whole starry universe swirling about his left arm. The Mage heaved a long and serious sigh. "...I think we're all better off if I NOT try giving any help to him on this one." ------