Iinazuke Sankai Suru by Gregg Sharp ===== all char tm their respective owners. note: this scene begins playing itself out in Volumn 17 of the manga. --------------- "A small change, as you've said." Toltiir nodded, hesitantly. "I'm not sure about this one, though. Admittedly neurochemistry is composed of tiny little things..." Relat, god of elves and music, smiled and shrugged. "As many blows as the boy takes to the head, all it takes is a tiny change in the degree and angle of one and the boy himself changes. By the time he heals of it, the damage will be done and the timeline variance established." "Hmm. We'll see, we'll see." "Watch," Relat formed a scrying pool out of a puddle on the sidewalk. "Observe a few days after Ranma gets his brains rattled, in the Tendo house..." "Nabiki," Kasumi said, without her customary smile. "You should give Ranma-kun back to Akane." "I can't bring myself to do it. I've been in love with Ranma-kun for so long..." Nabiki said wistfully. Kasumi's voice was completely dry. "You're kidding, aren't you?" Nabiki nodded, knowing she could fool all of the people some of the time, but Kasumi wasn't fooled most of the time. "Yep!" The scene shifted as Relat manipulated the pool. Ranma was revealed, eavesdropping on the conversation within the next room. Kasumi's voice could be clearly heard. "That's mean, isn't it? Teasing him like that." Nabiki shrugged. "But..." Kasumi angrily cut Nabiki off, "If Ranma-kun finds out, he'll be angry!" "Oh, that's no problem. He's such a coward, I'm not afraid of him at all!" Ranma blinked. A coward? Him? After he took all those attacks for her earlier? After putting up with all of Akane's violence and hostility? After all he'd put up with from Kuno, Ukyou, Shampoo, and all the nutcases running around, HE was a COWARD? Ranma crept off, wishing this nagging headache would go away. If he went out on a date with Nabiki, maybe he could embarrass her. His headache had settled into a deep throbbing pain that served to further irritate him. No, that wasn't enough. His thoughts drifted back to a conversation he'd had with Akane earlier. --------flashback---------- "Yep, that's the way it is." Ranma rubbed his temple, the headache settling into a dull ache for now. " I'm a victim of sibling rivalry. This iinazuke bit is just another thing for the two of you to fight about." Akane stared at him, beginning to get angry. "Neither of you care about me, I'm just something else to fight over." Ranma settled on to the fence, hoping to catch a little more of a breeze. " I'd rather deal with your violence than your sister's scheming, anyway. Ahahahahahahaha!" Akane pushes Ranma into the river, her anger evident. Ranma-chan sticks her head up, spitting up the brackish water. "Th' hell was that for?!" -----end flashback--------- A realization came through the headache. "She...she didn't deny it. I WAS right! They get mad at me for hurting their feelings, but won't extend me the same courtesy they demand!" Ranma clenched one fist. "One's been abusing me since I got here, the other's been using me just as long. That's it, that's all, it's OVER!" Oddly the headache seemed to lessen up some as he got angrier. He hadn't been into revenge, he was always the sort to beat a problem into submission at the time. Therefore, he needed to get advice. From who? Kasumi would be absolutely no help there, he'd only seen her lose her temper once and it had been just a few minutes ago. Kodachi? Ranma seriously considered this. While she WOULD know quite a bit about vengeance and dirty tricks, he was going to have to pull one over on Nabiki- and Kodachi just wasn't in Nabiki's league when it came to dirty tricks. Happosai? Ranma shook his head, he'd never get the old goat interested, and even if he did then he'd lose interest in the fight the moment any young girl showed some leg or cleavage. Ukyou? Ukyou WOULD help without any major tricks or bribes required. Same problem with Kodachi, though, she just wasn't sneaky or underhanded enough. Ranma sighed. There really was only ONE choice for this. Maybe she had something for this damn headache too. --------------- "Well, son-in-law, I'm amazed. You've actually managed to be polite for more than five minutes. Will wonders never cease?" Cologne would have grinned ear-to-ear if it wouldn't have clued Ranma in on the dangers. This was just too perfect. Son-in-law coming to HER for not only a headache remedy, but advice on breaking up with those Tendo daughters... The headache remedy was a spiked formula, she'd have used it before now but as long as there was a trace of love in Ranma's heart or the slightest bit of remorse for the Tendos, it would have been useless. Part of the cure, was in fact, a simple headache medicine. Part of it would "freeze" his heart, so that he would continue to be remorseless and angry at the two Tendos. Cologne watched Ranma drink, and realized he was angry with his father for the engagement, that he was THIS close to saying to heck with the whole thing. Once he did that, all she had to do was offer some support without the threat of marriage to Shampoo, then he would have only one avenue open to him. Eventually the medication would wear off and with only Shampoo still interested in him... "So, son-in-law, I was thinking. What is the best defense?" "Not being there," Ranma said with a blink. "No, it's an attack, isn't it?" "Both." Cologne nodded. She was glad she'd locked that crazy duck up earlier. This was delicate work without Mousse getting involved. "I have my own reasons for being unhappy with those two. I've never bothered responding. Did you know that Nabiki attempted to blackmail us with doctored photos showing pest control problems? As for Akane, she has thrown a few racial slurs our way before. Yet, I wouldn't be averse to seeing both dealt with in such a way that they went happily on with their lives." "Really?" Ranma thought about this. Getting revenge, but in such a way that nobody was actually hurt. It sounded good to him, ,as long as those two were taught a lesson! "What do I need to do?" Cologne DID smile this time. -------------------------- "Ranma's been gone for awhile, hasn't he?" Kasumi looked a little worried. Ranma missing supper was alarmingly out of character. "That jerk!" Akane glared at an empty spot next to her. "I'll bet he's with Shampoo or Ukyou!" Nabiki shrugged. She wasn't concerned. He'd get hungry and show up eventually. "If you're that concerned about him, I'll sell him to you for 5000 yen." "Who would want that jerk anyway!" Kasumi frowned slightly as she took a bite of rice. That was odd, there was a flavor in it she couldn't place. It was faint, but this was a recipe she had made a number of times, and she was quite familiar with the results. "Oh, come on, Akane." Nabiki waved her hand in a dismissing gesture. "Just because you're family, I'll give you an extra discount." "I am NOT interested!" Akane turned away from Nabiki. "That jerk can stay with Ukyou for all I care!" "Nabiki, as neither you or Akane are actually interested in Ranma," Kasumi interjected, "why do you continue to bicker over him? I'm sure he has feelings too you know." "Hah!" Akane snorted. "Go back to being oblivious, Kasumi. You do it much better than trying to sound wise." Kasumi stared at Akane. "Kasumi, don't try to think, you'll hurt yourself." Nabiki stopped. Had she just said that? Well, it isn't as if it wasn't obvious anyway. Kasumi flinched. Soun Tendo glanced at all three daughters, something didn't quite seem right. "Daughters, you shouldn't quarrel amongst yourselves like this in front of a guest." "A guest," Nabiki lost her calm. "You call this freeloading panda whose part time job doesn't even cover the hot water he uses, let alone all the food he manages to sock away, a GUEST? Let me give you a clue, Daddy, GUESTS LEAVE! There's an old Arabic saying that guests and leftovers should be thrown out after three days. How long does this worthless scrap of hide have to stay here using up our limited resources!" "Sweeping up all the panda hair is just..." Kasumi's eyes began to tear up. "It's just too much, and it keeps clogging up the drains..." "She yelled at me!" Soun began to wail. "Honestly, you're all such a group of pathetic whiners," Akane growled. She really wanted to hit someone, ANYONE. Genma's eyes flicked from one to the other of the Tendos. Since he was currently a panda, he held up a sign. [Huh?] He briefly made eye contact with Akane. Big mistake. "Are you STARING at me?" Akane's eyes seemed to ignite. "Do you know how long I've wanted to sell you to the circus?" Genma shook his head but couldn't seem to break eye contact. He was dimly aware of Soun continuing to wail, of Kasumi wandering off away from the table, crying HER eyes out. Nabiki was making a list of all the expenses she was holding the Saotomes personally responsible for so she could sue them for every penny they had unto the tenth generation. Akane reached across the table, grabbing a patch of fur, and continued to glare full into his eyes. "Do you know how MUCH I hate you and that damn son of yours!" ---------------------- Cologne listened to the sound of crunching and bashing coming from the house, and smiled. Giving the Black Rose a few tips on horticulture had paid off. Of course, she still had to complete this deluxe ramen delivery, but it would also prepare her alibi. And when it turned out the Black Rose had done this, trying to pry Ranma away from Akane, they would find that Cologne HAD let Kodachi know about the intoxicating effects of the True Feelings potion. Just a slip in an exchange of information dealing with odd herbcraft, that's all. Son-in-law, however, would NEVER be welcome in the house again. Just the memory of their actions this night would remain tangled with the memories of Ranma since his absence would be seen as the trigger. Cologne sped from the scene, she didn't wish them a lot of ill, after all. They were just obstinate obstacles that had to be bypassed in order to fulfill Amazon law. That's all. Kasumi glanced up from where she'd been trying to get her crying under control and saw Cologne speeding from rooftop to rooftop. Resolve hardened, though she didn't realize she was still under the effect of the "true feelings" potion that had been dumped into the rice. Kasumi's eyes hardened. Cologne had done this, though she realized that it had to be some sort of truth serum. She stalked back to the house. This was all because Ranma and Akane couldn't handle their relationship. Then Nabiki... "Nabiki, you were offering Ranma to Akane for how much?" "5000 yen." Nabiki glanced over at her sister who was still slapping around the panda. "Last chance, sis!" "NO WAY!" Kasumi put 5000 yen down on the table before Nabiki could say anything further. "I'll expect a receipt, Nabiki," said Kasumi in a voice that could chill a glacier. If Ranma wouldn't make a choice and end this insanity, then someone would just have to make it FOR him. The sacrifices she had to make to keep this household going...really! ---------------------- The door to the Nekohanten opened cautiously. They found Ranma, drugged and asleep. By the time Cologne got back from her shopping, Ranma was gone, Shampoo and Mousse were sitting in cages, and her spice rack had been very thoroughly raided. --------------------- "But Ranma doesn't love you!" Ukyou pleaded. "I'll agree you're a better choice than Akane, but..." Kasumi sighed. "Akane and Ranma obviously are NEVER going to confess their true feelings for one another. Ranma views you as his old buddy Ucchan, and Shampoo...well..." "Yeah." Ukyou nodded. "But I LOVE him. She's only interested in him because of those weird amazon laws!" "No, I think Shampoo does actually have feelings for Ranma." Kasumi was finding some difficulty in fitting back inside her shell of obliviousness. "Still, for various reasons, he won't make a decision on his own. The way I see it, the only two real choices he can make are a Tendo or you, those are the only two VALID Japanese engagements." "So you're not denying my engagement is valid!" Ukyou smiled in triumph. Just getting one of the others to acknowledge THIS much was a victory in itself. "So, since Ranma is unable to make a choice here, we need to find a civilized way to resolve this." Kasumi smiled at Ukyou. "Any suggestions?" Ukyou lifted her big spatula. "Well, you could just let me have him." "Really, Ukyou, I am disappointed that you'd turn to violence." "Oh, well, it was just a thought." Ukyou sighed. It was such unfamiliar ground around here to actually talk a problem through and try to resolve something. It was better than letting things drag on for years, she had to admit that. "Cards?" "I don't know any card games." "Prove who loves him more? A wifely skills contest?" "Both would be difficult to adjudicate, I think." "Flip a coin?" Ukyou fingered a 100yen coin. "While the simplicity level seems attractive, the randomness leaves much to be desired." "Pity we can't count on him to make an actual decision." An idea began to form. "Hey, waitaminute. The deal was that he had to marry a Tendo!" "That is true..." Kasumi smiled as she considered the possibilities. ---------------------------- "...and any who object to this marriage speak now or forever hold your peace!" Kasumi held up a receipt to forestall Nabiki's protest. Akane had stormed off hours ago. Shampoo had been knocked out by Doctor Tofu when she'd tried to interrupt the ceremony. Cologne had shown up, seen this, and was now happily considering the possibility of having another doctor in the Village. Ukyou Kuonji, briefly Ukyou Tendo, now Ukyou Saotome glared at the crowd just DARING anyone to say something. Soun and Genma were both sleeping thanks to the drugged miso soup they'd had this morning. Kasumi just smiled. It was so...LIBERATING to cause some chaos instead of cleaning up after it all the time. Though certainly it would be at least a little more peaceful around here now. And that, after all, was what she really wanted right now. =================================== hey, you think i couldn't expand this? sure i could, but everything fits for a Bet entry that could be a single shot, i just wanted to tie this one up while i work on Kimiko's Legacy, Koi Fishing, and "Disaster- the Peorth-Lum-Cologne Alliance" we'll see you there!