Mirrors Multiplied

Part Four

Ranma, the Musical

by Jared Ornstead

=====

A serious Disclaimer
    Ranma 1/2 and its associated characters created by Rumiko Takahashi.
Sailor Moon and its associated characters created by Naoko Takeuchi.
AMG, Iczelion and all other characters belong to their copyright owners.
No infringement intended.
    Everything else is based on memories of high school plays, and while
not only the property of the original owners, should not even be
regarded as accurate.

=====

    Dawn was not far over the horizon when Ranma alighted in Ukyo's
window. "Hey, Ucchan." He called her from her light slumber.
    She woke up, blinked and smiled at him, then sat up, holding the
sheets to her bosom. "Good morning, Ran-chan!"
    He smiled, hopping down onto the floor of her room, sinking to one
knee. "Yeah, Ucchan. Listen, I'm going to ask you to marry me. But
before I do that I have to explain something. Is that alright?"
    Her eyes shimmered with light, a light in which every lovely thing
was mirrored. She gave him her hand and let him continue.
    Ranma took her hand and gathered his breath. "Well, I told you
yesterday about the fiance thing."
    She giggled, still glittering. "Yeah, I'd never been so surprised in
my life. Well, *maybe* when you were a girl, then a guy, then a girl
again. When we're married can we play lots of water sports?"
    He loved his Ucchan.
    "And you know about the people trying to kill me part."
    "That's not a problem. Anyone stupid enough to come after you will
have to get through me too. I've had martial arts training."
    "Okay, well here comes the hard part..." He began.
    She drew her knees up to her chest and leaned into them, still
letting him hold her hand. "Are you serious? What more can you add to a
sex changing girl magnet with multiple death threats hanging over him?"
    "Can I just say it gets weird?" He temporized.
    Her eyes got wide. "And the other stuff isn't? What else can there
be? Do you have some horrible disease? Hang out with the undead? Listen
to Elvis records and carpet your walls? What? I'll believe anything you
say, Ran-chan, but it won't make me miss my chance of marrying you."
    "No, yes, and it muffles sound well. But that's not what I was
referring to."
    "You're not kidding." It was a statement. "So what could it be that
you think is so terrible that I'd give up on my one true love?"
    This reminded him again just why it was he loved his Ucchan. She
gave herself totally, and not mindlessly either. Just a total blend of
loyalty and love.
    He wanted to return that. He wanted it very much.
    "Would you mind if I married two or three wives?"
    Ucchan's smile didn't waver. "Well, all that time you'd spend in
jail would make it difficult to have children."
    His relief sparkled. "Only if they found something stronger than
stone to build things to hold me in with."
    Mischief lit up her eyes. "We could invest in a rock quarry to pick
up on the new business."
    "Get an escaped convict with every order?"
    "We'd corner the market. Probably have to expand."
    "Might be fun." He admitted. "But the business, I'm afraid, is
destined to fail. My mother assures me that my samurai roots allow me to
take more than one wife and not get arrested for it. Something about
ancient tradition still having some value."
    Ukyo was smiling, hugging her knees, by the time he was done. "Stuff
like that just keeps cropping up with you, doesn't it?" She drew her
knees up even further, looking unbearably cute.
    He hugged her, feeling better. "True enough."
    Then he got a wonderful idea. "Hey, if I can show you something
stranger will you believe me?"
    Ukyo was having lots of fun. "Sure, if you can show me something
stranger than that I'll believe you. Heck, I'll gladly *marry* you,
curse and other wives included. I can think of lots worse things."
    Ranma blinked. "Really? There are some?"
    She hit him with a pillow. "*Hey*, will you get on with it? Show me
something amazing already. I want to be the envy of all my girlfriends
who don't have cursed husbands. So hurry up, will ya?"
    He started to look around. "I need cold water for this."
    Splash!
    Ucchan put the empty glass back on her nightstand. "A girl never
knows when she'll have to turn a guest into another gender. She has to
be prepared." She winked at Ranko.
    Ranko grinned back. "Now you have to promise to keep this secret,
Ucchan."
    "I promise."
    "Earth Power Make-Up!"

    Ranma whistled as he walked home. Ucchan was going to marry him. He
allowed warm feelings to seep around his heart as he ducked his head
under a thrown shuriken. He hopped over the next several hundred thrown
shuriken that followed quickly after, then grabbed a garbage can lid to
block the next couple of thousand, turning the lid into a mass of spikes
with a handle.
    He finally turned to his antagonist. "How many of those things can
you carry?" He asked the darkness.
    Sasuke, hidden in shadows, was about to call out a taunt when he
realized that he was not alone. Pausing only long enough to earn a
disapproving glare from the hulking, humanoid thing, Sasuke raced for
home.
    Ranma examined the darkness. Nothing. Tossing away the mess of
shuriken he continued on his way. If there were any more threats like
that... Urk!
    A fourteen foot tall, metal skinned creature standing on two legs
had Ranma by the throat, holding him one-handed while he struggled.
Ranma's feet were a couple of yards off the ground.
    Strangling, Ranma hit a pressure point on its hand, but either the
skin was too thick or it didn't have the same nerve structures as a man.
It swung him like a doll and Ranma's body crushed through a wall, his
neck still caught in the vice-like grasp.
    Summoning a ball of chi energy around his fist, Ranma hauled back
and struck the creature's thumb with all his power. The explosion, right
next to his face, might have been overkill, because it stunned him for a
handful of seconds.
    Teetering on the edge of consciousness he could feel the creature's
skin next to his and wondered why he was breathing.
    Then he realized that it was because he'd shorn off the beast's
thumb. It was lying on his chest, brushing his neck, while he was lying
on his back in the road, gulping in air.
    Realizing that this happy state of affairs was at best temporary he
vaulted from his back to a nearby rooftop, turning to scan the area as
he did so.
    Nothing. Whatever it was it was gone.
    Ran-chan looked at the sky. Dang, if he didn't hurry he was going to
be late. Eyes completely unrelated to the creature watched him from the
morning shadows.

    Ranma had found out that previous to his `disappearance' he'd had
private tutors instead of school. After he'd been gone for some time
those tutors had been released, and he'd begged his mom not to rehire
them.
    For the very special reason that he'd learned that Rae and Ukyo
shared the same class in high school. It wasn't Furinkan, but he could
always contact Nabiki on his own time. Spending several days a week in
company with his two true loves was just too good a chance to miss. So
Ranma had arranged with his mother to be enrolled in Rae's school. It
was all set, he even got there on time.
    The teacher announced him before the class, mentioning that he was a
new student and so on, then let him go find a seat. They opened their
books.
    "Ranma," the teacher began. "This is our English class. I would like
to have some idea of your degree of knowledge before I begin today.
Would you care to give us an example?"
    She'd intended for him to read one of the many sample dialogs from
the book. But he took a look around himself, shrugged, and decided `Why
not?' He slammed it closed. Rising from his seat, and nodding to Rae, he
went over to Ucchan.
    Music began to play, and before the teacher had time to react to the
strange event he had began to sing, softly, and in fluent English, a
song from Rogers and Hammerstein's `The King and I.'
**
(drawing Ukyo from the seat by her hand)
"We've just been introduced,
I do not know you well.
But when the music started something drew me to your side.

(gesturing to the class at large, using the motion to get close to her)
So many men and girls,
are in each other's arms.

(slowly and with great tenderness)
It made me think... we might be... similarly occupied.

Shall we... dance?
(taking her in his arms and suddenly springing forward into a waltz)

On a bright cloud of music shall we fly?
(guiding her effortlessly through the room as if people waltzed between
desks all the time)

Shall we dance?
(twirl and spin)

Shall we then say goodnight and mean goodbye?
(releasing her and waving his hand, at the suggestion)

Or perchance?
(sliding conspiratorially close to her again)

When the last little star has left the sky,
(sliding her into a reverse embrace, arms around her from behind)

(rocking with her gently to and fro)
Shall we still be together, with our arms around each other
and shall you be my new romance?

(facing her and mock-instructing her)
On the clear understanding that this kind of thing can happen,

(catching her up again and whisking her away)
Shall we dance? Shall we dance? Shall we dance?

**
    Returning Ukyo smoothly and breathlessly to her seat he whisked Rae
out of hers in the same sweeping motion. The music slowed and he began
to whisper a song from `Hello Dolly' by the same authors, while guiding
her gently by the waist.
    Hearts had filled every female eye in the room, and those girls who
could understand what he was singing were being pestering to translate
for their friends, who knew that something terribly romantic was going
on and so wanted every detail.
**
"When there's someone you hardly know,
but wish to be closer to
Remember,
that she can be near to you
when you're dancing!

Though you've only just said `Hello'
she's already someone who
can,
make all your daydreams appear to you
when you're dancing!

Make the music weave a spell.
While away your worries.
Things look almost twice as well.
When they're slightly blurry!

And around and around you'll go.
your spirits will hit the top.
And,
now that we're dancing
who cares if we ever stop!"

**
    The slow dance he'd led Rae through had left her almost as
breathless as Ukyo. With gentlemanly courtesy he seated her, then took
to his seat as the teacher regarded them in bug-eyed astonishment, too
amazed to even respond to what she'd seen.
    Glares of envy met his two partners and Ranma was the subject of
frantic female adoration as he regained his desk, a romantic display of
that magnitude having been restricted to daydreams and movies before.
Those girls who knew the relevant details were already being dragged
under desks to reveal everything to their friends on pain of death.
    Ranma cocked his head innocently at his teacher over folded hands.
    "Did I get some words wrong?"

    Amy was frowning as she worked in class. Serena looked over at her
in shock. "Don't tell me *you* didn't do the homework!?" Ascribing her
own reasons for discomfort onto her friend.
    Amy shook her head. "Made three copies, just in case something
happened, and don't ask me to give you one. No, I was just looking
over..." she swiftly checked for eavesdroppers. "I was reading back some
of that data from that fight where we met Earth, and some things are
very odd."
    "Like what?" Serena's stomach growled, and with a swift look around
she began to sneak food from her lunch box.
    "Like I don't think we killed that youma. There's an energy surge
just before your tiara hit. It might have gotten away and left a dummy
to be destroyed, because I *don't* read the normal energy backlash from
destroying such a powerful creature."
    "You mean it might still be sneaking around?"
    "Let's face it, we had alot of distractions that day. I forgot to
perform a routine energy scan. It could very well still be out there,
though probably very weakened."

    At about that time Genma arrived at a secret place, bringing with
him a bag of lacy undergarments which he dropped before his evil lord.
"Master, I have brought these to aid in your recovery."
    Happosai exhaled from his pipe, managing somehow to look more upset
than usual. "You're pathetic, Genma. A *true* student of Anything Goes
would be willing to sacrifice anything, even his own flesh and blood, to
aid his master in his recovery. That girl isn't even related to you, why
don't you bring her down here and let me grope her a bit."
    It was a command.
    Genma bowed his utter obeisance. "Master, I beg of you. I would
sacrifice Ukyo to you in an instant, but she is a powerful martial
artist." He couldn't finish.
    "And *you're* afraid of her, is that it?" Happosai roared, but
didn't have the energy to get really upset. "Oh, Genma. You really
should have got married. Stealing children just isn't the same. No
matter how many potions you feed them the control just isn't what it
could be. It never reaches what a real descendant would have given you
anyway."
    Genma scraped before his master. "But master! It was *your* plan we
followed to get me that Saotome woman." He still drooled a little over
what might have been, that girl had had everything. "Think of all the
children I could have given you had that succeeded."
    Happosai smacked his pupil. "DON'T REMIND ME!" His eyes grew soft
again. "Ah, all the lovely panties and bras she would have bought with
that fortune of hers. I can almost see the lovely daughters that she
would have produced. AND YOU HAD TO LOSE HER TO THAT WHATSHISNAME!"
    Genma's hackles raised a bit. It wasn't a memory he liked either.
For the thousandth time he asked. "But Master, I had already given her
the potion. Why didn't it..."
    Happosai smacked him. "DON'T ASK! I don't have any better answer for
you this time. I don't KNOW why it didn't work! It should have made a
slave of that woman. Something must have broken the spell!"

    Lunch was a problem. Ranma had envisioned a quiet, relaxed meal with
Rae and Ucchan, but he wasn't even out of the classroom before he had a
following in the form of a horde of young women chasing him around,
trying to share their lunch period with him.
    It wasn't as if even with his appetite he could eat everything, nor
did he want a gaggle of lovesick schoolgirls, he wanted to eat with his
friends. He vaulted to the top of the school building, but the girls who
were already there found this a wonderful opportunity to share time with
him.
    Sighing, he decided that now would be a good time to visit Nabiki
and get that info he'd been after. Through methods best left unnamed he
arrived in the Furinkan lunchroom just slightly after lunch period
began. Ranma immediately sought out his target, sitting at a table, her
agents handling most of the business.
    He slipped in beside her. "Say, Nabiki, what's up?"
    A mixture of emotions played over her features, finally settling on
a somewhat shy smile.
    "Aren't you in the least bit worried that Kuno will attack us
again?" She chided.
    His eyes twinkled. "Gee, when I saw him yesterday it looked like he
wouldn't be out of surgery for awhile." Acting on sudden impulse, he
asked. "Say, how much did you have bet that I'd come here today?"
    She blushed into her cup. "A little."
    He grinned. "And how much do you have going that I'll say something
pretty? I'll bet that engagement story sold for alot."
    "Hottest selling news item today. And while I don't have much
running... at those odds it could explode nicely." The unmentioned
request was written in her eyes.
    He was in too good a mood to let that pass.
    "Really? Well, we can't let the dojo starve, can we? You may prepare
to collect, Nabiki. But this is a favor, nothing more."
    Ranma seized a stein out of stuff-space and stood up on the table,
saluting Nabiki in fine opera style. Music from Romberg's `The Student
Prince' began to rumble in the background.
    Ranma opened up in full voice.
**
"Drink, Drink, Drink,
to eyes that are bright, like stars when they're shining on me!

Drink, Drink, Drink,
to lips that are red, and sweet as the fruit on the tree!

(raising his glass, he toasted)
Here's the hope that those bright eyes will shine,
lovingly, longingly, soon into mine!

May those lips that are red and sweet,
tonight, with joy, my own lips meet!
(he cresendoed, then began stomping the table in time to the music)

Drink, Drink, Drink,
to arms that are white, and warm as the rose in the sun!

Drink, Drink, Drink,
to hearts that will love, but only when I am the one!

(again he toasted)
Here's the hope that those soft arms will twine,
tenderly, trustingly, soon around mine!
May she give me a priceless boon.
Her love beneath, the sweet May moon!"

**
    He ended with some vocal gymnastics, then hopped down off the table.
There was a stunned silence in the lunch room, then thunderous applause.

    Nabiki sat stunned. She'd just been serenaded in front of the whole
lunchroom. A brief pang caught her as she realized that she couldn't
sell information so widely known. But it was swiftly smothered beneath
wonder. Ranma rejoined her at the table, catching the arm of one of her
agents.
    "I could be wrong about this, but it might be profitable to start
laying odds on first kiss, first date, that sort of thing. Your boss
looks a little out of it just now, so you might want to lay estimates to
be finalized later."
    Then, when they didn't get together, she'd clean up.
    Ranma gazed at Nabiki, then waved his fingers before her face. Hmm,
clearly he'd overdone it. "Ahem. You might want to take bets on when she
starts moving again, too."
    Sighing ruefully, but in good humor, he left the lunchroom,
practically stepping on Akane on his way out. She'd been following the
tide of students in, wondering what the commotion was.
    Ranma was a creature of balance, and though he'd spent *many* lives
twisted, mangled, hurt and even killed by this girl (thankfully he'd
found the Destiny Ring had seemed to trigger automatically at his death,
something along the lines of `I wish that hadn't happened', though often
with pretty weird results) he still felt that inside she was basically a
decent person, if one could keep away from the sharp end.
    Serenading her sister and ignoring her was a guaranteed infallible
way of bringing out Akane's worst side, no matter what the cause. And
once it was out she'd never yet found a way of putting it away again.
    He could see that there wasn't any help for it. Opera was full of
love songs, in many languages, for any reason. He snatched her up and
made a mighty show of it, not forgetting that Nabiki had feelings too,
and yet knowing that unless the younger sister received the better share
of it there would never again be peace in the Tendo home.
    Nabiki would accept an explanation of why things didn't turn her
way, Akane would not.
    Besides, it would make the betting more interesting. Business would
boom.

    Ranma was beginning to believe there might be disadvantages to this
public school thing. He vaulted off of school grounds and onto a nearby
rooftop, where he practically ran into a darkly dressed young man in the
midst of casting a spell.
    "Jadeite!" Surprised recognition robbed Ranma of his normal caution.

    The general of the negaverse turned to face him, feral and cunning.
    Ranma realized that there wasn't time to go for the other Scouts, he
charged the general in a martial arts attack.
    Jadeite held up his hands to block and a powerful force field
stopped Ranma's assault.
    "I don't know who you are." Jadeite seethed, maintaining his energy
field. "But you cannot be allowed to interfere with the negaverse!"
    Ranma launched another blow, it slowed to a stop mere inches from
Jadeite's chest, unable to go further.
    Jadeite laughed. "There's no way you can hurt me. My defense field
will keep your flesh more than a foot away from my body. That's more
than enough to stop *any* unarmed combat technique."
    He began to summon another spell. "Guardian Youma, come forth!"
    Ranma paid little attention to the monster forming except to knock
it from the top of the building. "So you can stop any *unarmed* combat,
huh?" Ranma smiled smugly, and drew forth the sword his mother always
insisted he carry.
    Jadeite blasted at Ranma, the martial artist dodged it effortlessly,
springing inside the general's defenses and lopping off his head.
    Ranma stood with bloody sword, looking down at the decapitated body
of the negaverse general. "Dang, that was easy." The head bounced once
and was still.
    The body exploded, taking with it the upper half of the building.

    Ukyo and Rae looked up from where they were eating to see a distant
building explode.
    "Gotta be Ranma." Ukyo closed her portable grill.
    Rae looked over at the other girl. "You know him that well, huh?"
    Both girls excused themselves. "Hey, look, I have to be somewhere.
Catch ya later, kay?"
    "Yeah, sure. Look, I'll see you back in class, alright?"
    They ran their separate ways, each looking for a place to hide for
just a minute.

    Wheezing, gasping for consciousness, Ranma found himself in an
alley. Groaning, he hauled himself into a sitting position, which
brought into his field of vision a little girl of about thirteen,
dressed cutely but strangely in red and pink, wielding a croquet mallet.

    She hmmpphed. "Ha! I *thought* there were bugs around here! First I
take care of a creature and now you appear! Take this!" The little girl
charged forward, intent on striking him with her mallet.
    Ranma dodged. Getting hit by her wasn't likely to hurt very much,
but he wasn't in the mood to find out.
    The little girl swung at him a couple of dozen more times. Ranma
evaded, finally jumping over a wall, on the other side accidentally
landing on a man who'd been sitting in the gutter.
    "How DARE you!!!" The man howled, rage bringing him to his feet
swinging his huge umbrella.
    "Hey, man, it was an accident!" Ranma ducked the blow, which
shattered the wall behind him.
    "Do you say that every time you step on a man's head!?" The man
continued screaming, swinging his blows with violent abandon.
    "Well, no." Ranma conceded.
    "I'll make you PAY for your affront against me!" The violent man
thrust forward with bone shattering force. Ranma bent over nearly double
to evade it, which gave him a perfect view of the little girl who was
now standing in the recently created hole in the wall.
    "Gotcha!" She squealed, beaning him in the face with her mallet.
    Ranma turned into a puff of mist and disappeared.
    Skuld eyed Ryoga, as if considering. He backed off, impressed and a
little afraid of his life. "Uh, I think I have somewhere else I have to
go. Excuse me!" He ran off, nearly upsetting a few small automobiles in
his wake.

    In the Saotome mansion Belldandy looked up from a cup she'd been
polishing. "Oh, no!"

    Amy's computer beeped at her, since she was eating with Lita and
Serena she had no compunction about checking it right there.
    She placed her sandwich down carefully, afraid she'd drop it.
    "What's wrong Amy?" Lita asked in concern.
    Amy double checked her reading. "The Universal Trace routine has
just reported the death of Jadeite."
    Serena stopped stuffing her face. "Really? That's *great*, what
happened to him?"
    Amy wasn't rejoicing. "I'm not sure, but what concerns me is that
Ranma's trace disappears soon after. And I'm reading an explosion and
building fire."
    Lita grew serious. "He could be in trouble! I'd say this was Sailor
business!"
    "Right!" Serena called, grabbing for her brooch.
    Amy stood up with them, but she was very afraid that they were
already too late.

*****

    It was night in Nerima.
    With a blaze of light a hole in reality flared into shape and out
stepped a young man, well built and handsome. He took one look around
him and began to weep openly. Rearing back he uttered a cry of rending
agony.
    "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
    Then fell to the sidewalk and began to sob.

    Residents woke at the Cat Cafe. Cologne sitting up and turning
sharply to the distant noise.
    "What is it, Great Grandmother?" Shampoo asked from her bed.
    "That, child, is the sound of ultimate suffering. And it sounded
like son-in-law. Come, we'd best be going." She did a chestnut clothing
change and went to Mousse's room. "Business is closed until we return,
Mousse. Clean up, and don't even dare to follow us."
    Similar scenes were repeated in other places.

    Cologne bounced her staff into view of a weeping and huddled Ranma,
one that at first glance, was utterly broken. Not even enough left to
care that he was being seen. The sight was so unlike what they were used
to that the two Amazons stopped short. Cologne quickly assessed the
situation and put a hand on the young man's shoulder.
    "There, child. What is it?" She asked in a voice that was much
kinder than her usual wont.
    Without a word, not even looking up or pausing in his tears, Ranma
gathered her in and began to hold her, like a fiercely dangerous teddy
bear. But a bear that was content to remain, at least for the moment,
completely harmless.
    Cologne looked at her great granddaughter. Her eyes communicating as
well as words. "Whatever it is is terrible for him. You'd best help him
if you ever hope to gain him for your husband."
    Shampoo found herself at a loss. What to do with a weeping husband?
She knelt beside him and began to stroke his hair, pleasantly. Not
knowing as she did so how much it hearkened back to her time spent as a
cat.
    Ranma didn't care, gathering her into his arms as well.
    The two Amazons didn't know what to do with themselves. Hesitantly,
almost fearfully, they began to hug Ranma back.
    "There, child." Cologne promised. "Whatever it is you have our word
that we will do what we can."
    Ranma froze in their arms, then slid out of their grasp like an
icicle. For a horrid instant Cologne was certain that her words had
offended the boy. Then she saw that his gaze had been drawn to a new
arrival. Ryoga had miraculously found his way to the scene.
    And the pig boy wasn't sparing words.
    "Ha! Pitiful, Ranma. Here weeping like... like a baby! And in the
arms of another woman no less! I will punish you for Akane's sake!"
    The pig-boy charged, but in Ranma's face Cologne saw written death
itself. She snagged her great granddaughter and got out of the way.
    A wind began to blow from Ranma. Blowing from a man straining at the
very edge of control. The wind kept Ryoga stationary in spite of his
attempts to charge.
    "I'm warning you Ryoga." Ranma's voice was level, and just barely
beyond the edge of his breaking point, half-mad from whatever grief was
paining him. "Now is *not* the time. Go sleep in Akane's bed again, but
LEAVE ME ALONE!"
    Ryoga stared in disbelief, then rage gave him power to best the
wind. He came after Ranma with full intent to main him. "Ranma, how DARE
you say that before witnesses!"
    "I warned you, Ryoga." The voice was flat, final. It frightened
Cologne.
    Ryoga stabbed his umbrella at Ranma's face, the latter caught it and
crumpled it in his grip, throwing the tangled and mangled remnants away
from him.
    "Ranma! How DARE you!! I needed that umbrella!" The lost boy swung
at his foe. Ranma caught the wrist, then crushed and mangled his
opponent's arm, flinging the lost boy away from him.
    Ryoga looked up from where he had fallen, finally seeing the
expression in Ranma's eyes. The shards of bone poking from his mangled
limb were not more white than the lost boy's face at seeing those eyes.
    The Tendos came running up. Akane caught sight of Ryoga and
immediately ran up to him. Seeing that he was hurt (but not knowing the
extent) she blazed at Ranma, pulling out her mallet and charging.
"Ranma! You Jerk! You Pervert! How could you *DO* this to Ryoga?"
    Cologne's staff stopped her.
    "Child, if you attack Ranma now there isn't a person on this earth
who can answer for your life. Whatever has happened to him has caused
him nearly unimaginable pain. He's not capable of treating you kindly
just now."
    Akane was inclined to ignore her, as usual. But then she caught the
look on Ranma's face, and paid attention for once. He wasn't cringing
away from her, a thing so automatic when she had her mallet out that she
didn't even look for it anymore, it was just normal. In fact it looked
as though Ranma could hardly even see her.
    She shrugged past Shampoo's great grandmother. "I don't care!" She
stormed, bringing the mallet about for action. "You're going to regret
ever fighting with Ryoga!"
    With a blazing chi fist he blew her mallet into atomic level
particles, glittering faintly in the breeze. Akane stood staring
stupidly at her handle, then back at Ranma, then backed off.
    "You're right, Cologne. He really *is* acting weird!"
    Ranma sat back down on the ground and began to cry. Akane moved up
to comfort him, but her attack was not forgotten and he shot her a
glance that froze her in place. He did *not* want her touching him just
now.
    Shampoo was considering attempting to hug him again when Genma came
running up. Genma saw his son crying and began to shout derisively.
"Foolish boy! Weakling! Haven't I told you never to cry! Stand up and be
a MAN for once you pathetic coward!"
    Ranma uncoiled. He sprang at the old man in a dash swifter than
lightning. Seizing the martial artist by the neck and seat of his gi he
lifted him up high overhead. "Weakling!? *I'll* show you whose weak!
*I'll* show you a sniveling coward! I'll show you yourself, old man!!!"
    Swinging his father by the heel he used the old man's face to break
apart a utility pole. And it was only Cologne's interference that saved
Genma's back from being snapped over his son's knee.
    Ranma vaulted away, having dropped his old man. Shampoo and Cologne
followed, more cautiously.
    The Tendos stood shocked, unable to speak. Genma lay sprawled where
he had fallen, somehow unable to grasp how close he'd come to death.
    "What's gotten into the boy, Tendo?"
    "I don't know, Saotome. But it's obvious that Cologne woman has
something to do with it."
    "Oh, my." Kasumi observed. "Ranma really wasn't acting himself, was
he?"
    Nabiki began to wonder how she could turn this situation to her
financial advantage.

    Ranma raced along the rooftops, but ran for only seconds before
grief overcame him. He collapsed into an alley, weeping bitterly.
    It was Ukyo that found him.
    She almost didn't recognize him. His posture, and especially his
crying, were so unlike her Ran-chan. But she had a heart of tenderness
inside her.
    "Hey, there now." She soothed, putting an arm around him. "What's
wrong, Ran-chan?"
    He sniffed, then buried his face in her and held on. "Oh, Ucchan! I
*love* you!" He continued crying, but at slightly lower intensity.
    It was all Ukyo could do not to shoot off sparks. Her grin was
electric.
    "Hey, let's get you inside. Okay?" She eased him to his feet.
    Ranma allowed himself to be led back toward her restaurant.
    They were almost to the doors when Kodachi appeared. "Hold! You
wicked girl! What are doing to my Ranma-Darling?"
    Ukyo hefted spatula. "I'm taking him inside, okay? He's upset and
I'm trying to take care of him!"
    "Take care of *MY* Ranma? How dare you even suggest such a thing you
brazen hussy?"
    " 'Dachi-chan," Ranma whispered, but it was loud enough to be heard.
"Don't fight my Ucchan. Please, whatever house we go to doesn't matter.
Just..." And he passed out from emotional fatigue.

    He awoke in the Tendo home, Nabiki having considerable influence. He
sat up and began to move to the parlor. Nabiki caught him there.
    "Ah, Ranma. Quite a display you put on there. Of course I managed to
smooth things over for you. *And* got you out of that Kodachi's
clutches. You can show your gratitude by doing a photo session for me
tonight. Kuno's getting hungry for pictures again."
    He spoke to her without emotion. "Stuff it, Nabiki. I'm not feeling
particularly grateful."
    Nabiki frowned. He shouldn't be reacting like this. Perhaps it was
time to remind him of her considerable hold over him. "I wouldn't be
like that Saotome. I've let your tab grow a little large lately, perhaps
it's time you started paying more of it off. There are those videos and
things to consider. And I'm sure Akane would... be..."
    Ranma was standing, glaring ice.
    "Nabiki, have you ever considered what danger *you* might be in?
Charges of blackmail, extortion, racketeering, bribery, under-age
pornography, and others? I'm sure it's just the beginning. Would you
like to hear more?"
    She wouldn't release control that easily. "Back down, Saotome. I can
make your life hell without even blinking."
    He didn't even wince. "That's not something you can afford to be
concerned with, Nabiki. What you should be thinking of is what you are
going to do afterward. Just where will you hide, Nabiki? There's nowhere
you can *go* where I can't find you. I've fought stuff worse than the
Defense Forces before. Police don't concern me. Do you think you can
find a martial artist who can defend you? I've torn apart tanks and
ruined apartment buildings with my bare hands! I can kill ten thousand
men and not break a sweat. JUST WHERE WILL YOU RUN?"
    Nabiki got the very certain sense that this was out of control.
    "Relax, Saotome. Perhaps we jumped the gun a bit there. I think I
can even go easy on the interest this time. We'll do the photo shoot
when you're ready for it. No need to get so steamed."
    Suddenly she recalled him nearly breaking Genma over his knee that
night. It hadn't been Ranma that had stopped that, he'd almost gone
through with it. Cologne had been the one who'd prevented him.
    Cologne didn't owe her any favors.
    Nabiki sweated and started to back away. "Uh, look Ranma. Why don't
you just sit down and enjoy the shade for awhile? I'll go get Dr. Tofu."

    He nodded, no longer the least bit angry. "Sure, Nabiki. Why don't
you do that, and I'm sorry for yelling at you."
    She ran.

    Ranma regretted his outburst. Subtlety, not force, was his most
effective tool, and he'd been blowing that from the first minute. This
was no way to deal with a new reality, no matter how much he missed his
old one.
    He sighed heavily. His old one. He'd even been calling that reality
his own, it was a place that had become home to him. A place he'd been
happy.
    A place he'd wanted to stay.
    "I just wish I could find a way to get back."
    Inside his pocket, the Destiny Ring glittered, not quite so dead
after all.
    Akane caught him there, lounging. "Hurry, Ranma. Your mom's here!"
She said it with some concern, then, when he didn't react, tossed a cup
of water over his head.
    Nodoka entered almost at that same moment. "Why Akane, Ranko! How
good to see you!"
    Akane tried to hide her nervousness and concern. "Hello, Auntie
Saotome. Welcome to our home."
    Nodoka noticed Ranko's state. "Why Ranko, dear. What's wrong?"
    Ranko felt this sudden urge to clutch her mother's skirts and tell
her everything. Instead she summoned the will to reply. "I just lost
someone I care about, Auntie. It hurt really bad."
    Nodoka could see that it did. Carefully she asked, "I brought some
packages. Would a new pair of shoes help at all? I promise I won't try
to make you wear the dress if you're feeling this way."
    The gesture was so genuine that Ranko couldn't help but smile.
"Thanks, Auntie Saotome. But it always makes you so happy when I wear
those things that I guess I won't mind."
    Nodoka smiled. It was good to see that it wasn't so bad after all.
Ranko really was a darling girl. They went upstairs so she could help
Ranko change, and didn't notice that Akane's jaw had dropped practically
to the floor.

    Later that afternoon the house was close to full. Soun and Genma (in
panda form) sat playing at their game, enjoying the cooling breezes and
a little cheating. Nabiki and Dr. Tofu sat quietly at the table, both
concerned but not willing to interrupt Ranma with his mother, both of
whom were still upstairs.
    Akane sat in a pile of snacks, magazines and manga, trying to watch
TV. So far none of it had helped her take her mind off Ranma. So far
*everything* he'd done had been so strange for him. She was making
herself sick with worry, all the time telling herself what a jerk he was
for making her feel this way.
    A sad, reluctant giggle came from the top of the staircase. All eyes
were drawn and mouths fell open. Even Dr. Tofu was surprised, knowing
Ranma's usual preferences.
    Ranko had been subjecting herself to her mother's efforts to cheer
her, and they had been having an effect. She was still slightly slow and
weary in her movements, but there was an animation to her they hadn't
seen this past day.
    But that wasn't the cause of their reaction. Ranko was all decked
out in a white and pink dress, trimmed with ribbons and ruffles, with a
flouncy, frilly skirt fluffed out with petticoats. Her hair was loose
and decked with matching ribbons. Heels and kid gloves completed the
attire. She and her mother were flouncing down the stairs. Ranko giggled
again at something her mother said, grasped the rim of her sun hat, and
made her way down the last few steps.
    Tofu adjusted his glasses. "Hmm." He said analytically.
    Nabiki couldn't help but stare. This was just too bizarre. She
forced her face flat. "Well, I never thought I'd see the day. `Ranko' is
wearing makeup." Her droll tone masked her real feelings.
    "Are those *pantyhose*?" Genma flashed a sign, unable to believe his
senses.
    "Oh, Ranko dear." Nodoka caught the girl to adjust her shoulder.
"One of your straps is showing. Here, let me get it right."
    "Ranko is wearing a *bra*?" Akane bellowed incredulously.
    Nodoka flashed her a disapproving look. "There's no need to announce
it to the neighborhood, Akane dear. And yes, she is. It's high time that
Ranko started. It would be rude of you to tease her."
    Soun was crying, watering the room around him and wailing about his
son in law becoming a woman. Genma, Akane and Nabiki thrust into his
face with raging battle auras. Soun remembered himself just as Nodoka
gave him a curious look. Laughing it off he made some excuse and became
curiously engrossed in the TV.
    The room sweated, Tofu leaning out of the crowd to get a better look
at Ranko.
    Ranko went on tiptoes to kiss her mother on the cheek, then got a
startled look and brought her hand to her lips. "Oh! Auntie Saotome, I'm
so sorry. You were so kind and I was so wrapped up. I almost forgot to
tell you. Ranma told me that if he got a chance he would call you
today."
    Nodoka's eyes grew round and her smile brightened by two degrees.
She gazed around the room, not really seeing anybody. "Would you excuse
me please? I should be rushing home. Thank you, Ranko. I'm glad we could
talk. I'm so glad you're feeling better. See you tomorrow!"
    Nodoka was gone.
    Eyes in the room were huge.
    "Wow!" Nabiki breathed, impressed in spite of herself.
    Genma pulled out a sign. "And what happens when you *don't* call
her?"
    Ranko scowled at him. "And who says I'm not?" She turned around,
swirling her skirt with unconscious grace. "I just have to get changed.
Then I'll leave a nice long message before she gets home."
    Akane was worried. "Ranma, just turn into a guy and call her now.
Get it over with."
    Ranko looked at her in shock. "I can't do *that!*"
    The room stared at her dumbly.
    "You can't?" Nabiki asked.
    Ranko flounced, pointing out the obvious. "Well, of *course* I
can't. This is a *beautiful* dress. Do you think I want to spoil it?"
    The room facefaulted, Ranko vanished upstairs.

    Dr. Tofu examined Ranma as the latter lay obediently on his futon.
After a thorough check he packed away his instruments and turned to the
assembled family. "Well, he shows some signs of depression. And his aura
has grown considerably, but aside from that physically he seems no
different than yesterday. He may even be healthier."
    "Could his mind have been affected somehow?" Nabiki delved, knowing
that *something* was up and desirous to get to the bottom of it.
    Dr. Tofu sat back on his heels. "Ranma, would you care to tell us
what happened?"
    Ranma's expression said no.
    Genma grabbed his son by the shirt and hauled him off the mat,
shouting inches from his face. "Ranma! What is the matter with you!"
    Ranma whispered something.
    "What was that?" Genma put his ear closer.
    "I said Fierce Tiger Ball Attack!" Ranma shouted, cupping his hands
under his father's chest. The explosion flung the elderly Saotome
through the wall and out into the yard.
    Everyone stared in astonishment.
    Ranma came to his feet, but didn't look like he was going anywhere.
Then the mirror hung conveniently on the wall flared into brilliant
life. It caught his attention instantly.
    Belldandy's face appeared, but made no move to leave the frame.
"Ranma, I'm so sorry. I know what my sister has done to you, and I know
that it must feel awful. I am not permitted to go where you are, but I
want you to know that you *can* get back to us. One of your friends is
already on her way, but the time flux between universes may delay her.
Take heart," she glowed at him. "It will turn out alright!"
    Her image faded.
    Ranma's change was almost magical. Where before he had been dark and
weary, he now had a totally different character, energy coursing down
his shoulders to his wrists. He gave off a white fighting aura oozing
with confidence and vitality.
    "Ranma, what's going on with you, who *was* that?" Akane begged of
him, frightened by his behavior.
    "It would appear to be related to his condition." Dr. Tofu surmised.

    "That," Ranma responded, feeling life flow back through him. "Was
the goddess Belldandy."
    "That was a goddess? Since when do you hang out with goddesses,
Ranma?" Nabiki was struggling to remain aloof.
    She was finding it surprisingly difficult.
    "If you mean Belldandy in particular I only met her in my *last*
incarnation, but if you mean when did I start in general I'd have to say
about a hundred and twenty lives ago." He replied seriously. "You meet a
few of them living on the spirit plane."
    The group facefaulted.
    "Wait a minute, hold on a second, Saotome." Nabiki challenged. "What
are you talking about? And what do you mean a hundred lives? Have you
gone wacko?"
    He looked down at her. "If you like, yes." Then raised his hand to
the sky. "Anything Goes School of Martial Arts Secret Technique; Now you
see me, now you DON'T!"
    His voice faded away into nothing and so did he.
    Soun leaned against a startled Genma, who had just returned to the
room. "Did you teach him that technique, Saotome?"
    "I didn't even know we *had* that technique, Tendo."

*****

    The Sailor Scouts arrived on the scene to find a figure in an
armored battle bikini already there, floating in the air and performing
some obscure function.
    "Hold it, negatrash!" Sailor Moon shouted, working up into a combat
mood. "We don't put up with sleaze like you messing with our friends."
    She was interrupted.
    "If you'd going to talk that's fine with me. But Ranma honey just
got tossed into an alternate dimension and we only have a couple of
minutes left to haul him out."
    Mars recognized the armored warrior. "Hey, you're..."
    Ukyo nodded. "Yup, Ukyo Kuonji, Blue Iczelion. I figure we're all on
the same side here. I'd love to chat but I have experience in alternate
universe fighting. I'm going after him."
    She faded from sight.

*****

    His mother's place had been easy enough to find. There were only
three or four spots where it usually was, and after confirming through
the birth registry that she was in fact his mother he appeared at the
door.
    Nodoka answered a ring at her door and saw a nice young man standing
on the doorstep. "Hello, may I help you?"
    Again, obvious she didn't know him, which was actually good this
time.
    He bowed. "Yes, mother. My name is Ranma Saotome."
    She remained perfectly still for a moment, and he began to fear that
he'd overplayed his hand. Then she exploded out from the gate and swept
him up in a mighty hug.
    "Ranma! Is it really you?" She was crying into his shoulder, then
looked all around. "But where is Genma? Ranma, has anything happened to
him?"
    These first hugs were always so nice. He returned it with vigor.
"Pops is fine, mom. Don't worry. He's off checking in on some friends of
his, so I came on alone."
    He was inside without even consciously registering crossing the
door. His pack (which he'd acquired after everyone had left the room)
was whisked away and deposited in his old room. Then it was back to
being hugged in the living room before he even knew what'd happened.
    And he'd thought the Chestnut Fist was fast!

    Next morning Ranma phased into existence, dropping the invisibility
technique at the gates of Furinkan High School. Tatewaki Kuno was there.

    "Fiend! What have you done to Akane Tendo and the pig-tailed one?"
Kuno cried, leveling his wooden sword at Ranma.
    Kuno was easy to read.
    Ranma struck a dramatic pose. "Alas! But the beauty of the great
Akane Tendo wanes but for my presence! Forasmuch as the frost of winter
doth spread and curl, causing tender young things to sleep within their
vines, so do yearnings for myself cause her heart to wither and pine."
    He adopted a tragic gesture. "For it is truth that I have withdrawn
myself from beyond the solace of her ancestral halls! Yea, even for
reasons of tender love, which doth fly in the face of adversity and ill
speaking, have I done that which was grievous to my heart! Oh, tender
Fate, whose cruel claws do *tear* us away from those we love for reasons
of our loving. It must be that I, and Akane Tendo, be at last apart
until such time as the fragrant blossoms of youthful longing do spring
again betwixt us!"
    Kuno had lowered his sword, lips forming a soundless "Whoa."
    Ranma tossed an off-handed wave off his shoulder. "And Ranko and I
are shacking up."
    Kuno's eyes rolled up in his head and he passed out.
    There was *such* liberty in being in a reality he didn't care about!
Ranma was leaving this one as quickly as he found the means to, and he'd
had a bad start to begin with, so he was playing this one just for fun.
Not worrying in the slightest about how to get it right.
    Ranma whistled as he walked past the body and into the school.

    Nabiki caught Ranma at lunch. "Say, Saotome, heard about your fight
with Kuno. Gossip is that you beat him senseless without laying a finger
on him. That must have been some stuff. People swear that you were just
spouting poetry."
    Ranma finished his milk and replaced the container. "Everybody has a
kind of stress that will break them like glass, Nabiki. You ought to
know that."
    Her eyes hardened dangerously. "I hope you aren't planning to pull
anything like that on *me* Saotome."
    He grinned. "Are you afraid I can?"
    Nabiki wasn't used to being on a defensive stance. But so far Ranma
had kept her there. She couldn't afford to show weakness. "Of course
not, Saotome. I just don't want you trying."
    "Ah, I see. You are afraid."
    "You know I'm not. I don't break that easily Saotome."
    He wiped his lips with a napkin. "You must be right."
    He said it so casually, so flippantly, that Nabiki was actually
frightened for a second. But this was *Ranma* here, and nobody learns
how to escape her clutches that easily. In fact she saw room for an
opportunity.
    "Well that brings up an interesting point, Saotome. I came over here
to discuss your disappearance from our house last night. Let's say that
you try this technique on me. When you fail I shall graciously accept
your return to the dojo. But if by some miracle you succeed then I will
cancel half your outstanding debts to me."
    He didn't at first respond, instead packing his lunch back into its
box. Then he'd taken her by the waist and the pair of them were standing
on the lunchroom table.
    Ranma held Nabiki closely, one hand in the small of her back, his
chest leaning into her, forcing her to bend. She was about to mouth
something awful when his other hand cupped her chin and brought her lips
to his, drinking in a kiss that was luxurious and fine, as wonderful as
it was unexpected.
    Nabiki's wits nearly froze, but she was made of stern stuff.
    However Ranma wasn't *nearly* finished.
    The students around them had been slow to react, after all this was
Nabiki. Still they noticed, and waves of stunned amazement swept over
the room.
    After a kiss both deep and long Ranma swept a cape and a top hat out
of nowhere, clutching a rose in his teeth he swirled around her in a
flowing tapestry of black, using the motion to disguise and provide
modesty as he performed a chestnut changing of clothes.
    After the motion Nabiki stood revealed in a stunning evening gown,
with Ranma beside her in a tuxedo. He pressed the rose into her hands,
and music began to play in the background, stifling rumbles of amazement
from the crowd.
    He then proceeded to dance a slinky tango with her across the
tables.
    He lifted her, she draped herself, he spun her, she twirled. He
leapt across the tables with her with their bodies never more than an
inch apart. In short he made her feel like the magnificent center of a
hot and steamy universe.
    She wilted, he carried her through the moves anyway, making her seem
twice as graceful as before.
    At the end of it, sweaty and breathless, flushed, excited and fully
overcome by the strange and wonderful sensations awash within her,
Nabiki was returned to her seat. Ranma delivered a final kiss, then
dropped her school uniform in her lap.
    "You lose, Nabiki."
    And for the life of her she couldn't tell him she hadn't.

    Making peace with Ukyo and Akane after such a public display with
Nabiki had been hard, but possible. Neither were inclined to beat up the
Tendo sister, and it did seem halfway reasonable when he explained about
the bet.
    Of course both were outraged at any public displays of affection
that did not involve them, but both were not only satisfied but stunned
when he agreed to take them each on their own date in recompense.
    Shampoo arrived in the middle of this discussion and got included in
the date proposal. The condition was established that anyone interfering
in another girl's date would lose her own.
    So they all just began scheming about how to catch him on their own.

    Nabiki met Ranma at the outer gates at the close of school. Only the
most observant could tell that she was still wavering and a little
unsteady on her feet. "Hold it right there, Saotome."
    He stopped.
    Nabiki's mask of control was excellent, but it *was* a mask, and he
could tell it for such. She took one step forward. "Same stakes,
Saotome." She called, holding herself steady with a tree branch. "I'm
ready for you this time. I win and you come back with me to the dojo,
you win and I cancel your remaining debt."
    Students formed an amphitheater around them. Ranma's books slid to
the pavement, but he made no other move.
    Nabiki wished she knew why she was doing this. She *knew* she wanted
him back at the dojo, and it was for Akane's sake, right? She knew that
her sister didn't have a chance without that advantage. But Nabiki's
face still felt the kisses he'd delivered to it at lunchtime, and a
small, wry part of her suggested that maybe she wasn't thinking too
clearly.
    Whatever, she had to do this for the sake of the dojo. Nabiki took
an unsteady step forward. "What's the matter, Saotome? Afraid I'll win?
Tell you what, we'll raise the stakes. In addition to our last bet if I
win you'll agree to call off the dates with all fiances except Akane. If
you win... if you win then I'll speak to my father and we'll add me to
the list." She gulped.
    Had she said *that?*
    Now what on earth had made her say *that?* She'd been willing to
call off blackmail for a week. Or had she? Why wasn't she able to think
straight?
    Ranma picked up his books and began to walk away.
    "Wait!" She cried, getting desperate. "We'll call off the blackmail.
C'mon, Ranma! Since when have I not at least given you a chance to
*try?*"
    Ranma paused, dropping his books. Suddenly he swirled and was back
in tuxedo and cape, slinking towards her. Nabiki's knees grew weak.
    All around them rose the strains of one of the slinkiest tangos ever
written, "Hernando's Hideaway" from The Pajama Game.
    Ranma grabbed Nabiki and began to sing.
**
"I know,
a small, secluded place.
A place,
where no, one knows your face.
A glass,
of wine, a fast embrace..."

(there are tricks known by the master dancer that serve only to make his
partner seem beautiful, and Ranma knew them all. Nabiki did yoga, which
made her limber, but she'd never danced before in her life. Which didn't
matter one iota as Ranma led her through by subtle pressure and
invisible guidance, leading her along as if she knew the dance as well
as he)

"It's called,
Hernando's Hideaway!
Olay!

All,
you see, are silhouettes.
And all,
you hear, are castanets.
And no,
one cares, how late it gets.

Not at,
Hernando's Hideaway!
Olay!

At the Golden Finger Bowl or anywhere you go!
You'll meet your uncle Max and everyone you know!
But it you go to the place that I am thinking of!
Then you'll be free,
                        to dream of me,
                                            and talk of love!

Just knock,
three times, and whisper low.
That you,
and I, were sent by Joe..."

(he leaned into her, their bodies barely separated at all, as if the two
of them were a single sinuous panther stalking through mists of a
jungle)

"Then strike,
a match, and you will know.

You're in,
Hernando's Hideaway!
Olay!"

**
    Somehow during the dance she had changed back into the evening gown,
but even she could not say where, or when.
    He finished the song and held her draped over him, then allowed her
to slide off his chest and onto her knees as the last strains faded
away.
    In all it was the single most sensual moment she'd ever had.
    And not being used to sensual moments it overcame her entirely.
Nabiki came to lying on a futon in her home, her school uniform crumpled
in a pile by her side, still wearing the evening gown Ranma had dressed
her in. Akane was kneeling beside her.
    "Thanks for trying, Nabiki."
    Nabiki watched Kasumi come in with a bowl of soup. "Save it, Akane.
All I did was make the situation worse."

To be continued...

************************************************
************************************************

Author's Notes:

    Well, this one got away with me a bit there! Yes, I know, I didn't
get to resolve alot of the issues I brought up in this. Who cares? If I
hadn't made it clear before that I was writing this for fun it should be
obvious now.
    Relax, Part Five should have a good number of explanations and clear
up a bunch of stuff that many of you have been asking about.
    So chew your fingernails until then.