Shampoo's Revenge 

Part 3 

by Jared Ornstead 

=====

    Akane walked funny as she was leaving the nurse's station at the 
end of school. To her *utter* embarrassment, Kuno had insisted on 
getting her bandaged, washed, perfumed and prettied and all the while 
had sprouted poetry and left bouquets of flowers around the room. 
Toward the end she'd been so confused and off balance she had sat on 
one of the bunches of roses, and now really ought to be spending some 
time getting thorn splinters out of her private parts. 
    Her teacher chose that moment to make an appearance as she was 
trying to leave the school building, forcing her to stay and talk with 
him while all she wanted to do was go home and spend some time in the 
bathroom with a mirror and set of tweezers. 
    Then she saw Ranma out of the corner of her eye, talking to Ukyo 
and laughing, and all hint of any claim she might hold on rational 
thought fled. 
    "RAN...!" 
    *Punt!* 
    With a shove he sent her flying through several fences and into a 
brick wall at the back of a big house. Akane came to in a cloud of dust 
lying on something soft. When the smoke from smashing through the wall 
cleared, she realized that she was lying on stacks of money and picked 
up a couple of bags in disbelief. 
    Then the door to the inner parts of the house opened and two grown 
men in Italian business suits and shades arrived to see what that sound 
was they'd heard in their vault, seeing Akane sitting before a hole in 
their wall with her hands full of their money as soon as they'd 
entered. 
    They drew silenced machine pistols. 

    That evening Ranma, with a girl on each arm, was leaving the movie 
theater with the bright starlight aglow showing their way home, while 
in the far distant background a black car pulled up to a bridge over 
the Sumida River and a group of men got out, hauling between them a 
short haired girl in a Furinkan school uniform and her feet in a block 
of cement. 
    The splash of the girl falling over the side of the bridge was lost 
in Ranma's laughter over something Shampoo said as the trio went their 
merry way. The men returned to their black car and drove away without 
the three martial artists ever glancing their way or being aware of 
their presence. 
    Later, early the next morning, a wet and bedraggled girl in a 
soaking and torn school uniform sloshed her way into the Tendo 
residence, catching Kasumi just as she got up to prepare breakfast. The 
elder daughter looked with shock at the newly arrived person and the 
small pig she was carrying, and covered her nose as she noticed a 
*painful* aura of river muck stench surrounding the pair of them. 
    "Morning Kasumi. Did you know that P-chan knows the Breaking 
Point?" 
    Kasumi shook her head, still looking startled and standing by a 
just-opened window. "No, I didn't. How did you find out?" 
    Akane sat on a kitchen chair, looking sodden and filthy, a pool of 
dirty water forming puddles on the kitchen floor beneath her. "He came 
swimming down to me and I saw him use it to break the concrete off my 
ankles. Then he dragged me to the bank and we spent most of the night 
finding our way home together." 
    Kasumi blinked rapidly. "Akane, what were you doing swimming with 
concrete on your ankles? Were you trying to learn some technique? 
That's something I'd sooner expect from Ranma. Don't you think a 
floating device would be safer until you learn to swim?" 
    Akane's head drooped. "Forget it, Kasumi." 
    Soun and Genma somehow, miraculously appeared in the kitchen beside 
her, both were rubbing their chins. Genma spoke first. "Hmm, sounds 
like the Oceanborn technique. Don't you think Tendo?" 
    Akane's father nodded. "Indeed, Saotome." Rivers of tears began to 
track down his cheeks and he clenched a fist. "Oh, Akane, how proud you 
make your father by finally taking the Art more seriously! We will see 
that your devotion does not arise in vain!" 
    Soun and Genma picked Akane up from opposite sides, swiftly chained 
huge lead weights to her ankles, and ran off carrying her between them 
to the nearest train toward the sea. P-chan frantically ran the wrong 
way when he got turned about trying to follow them. 
    Kasumi took out the mop and calmly began cleaning. 

    "You see, Ranma? Language is composed of two parts: words and rules 
on how to use them." Ukyo sat cross-legged with an English book open 
before her. Her spatula lay nearby, ready for instant use. 
    "Err, yah. I get it. I think." He was suspended by his toes from a 
tree limb, hanging like a bat with his arms crossed on his chest. 
    Ukyo looked at him doubtfully. 
    "Shampoo no think Ranma get it at all." 
    "There!" Ukyo excitedly pointed at the Amazon. "That's exactly what 
I mean!" 
    "Hmm?" Came from both Ranma and the Chinese girl. 
    "She had all of the *words* she needed to get her meaning across." 
Ukyo related. "But because she didn't link them together in ways more 
powerful they didn't have as much ability to convince us!" 
    Shampoo looked at Ranma and he at her. They both blinked. 

    Akane came home naked, only a few labels of an expensive brand of 
tuna to hide her private parts. "Morning Kasumi. If you're opening any 
tuna and find some of my clothes would you tell me? I'm going to 
sleep." 
    The fathers had appeared on the veranda and were frowning 
disgustedly. 
    "She didn't learn the technique, Tendo." 
    "Hmm, I'm *sure* she would've, if only that fishing trawler hadn't 
come by and fouled her practice with those nets. What do you think 
Saotome?" 
    "No help for it, Tendo. We must try again. Next time we'll use 
heavier weights." 
    Kasumi had entered the room and blinked innocently at both fathers. 
"Do you really think that Akane is trying to expand her martial arts 
techniques?" She asked as she lay out tea for the pair of men. 
    Soun nodded most gravely. "Yes. My only fear is I might be too soft 
on her. I can hardly bear to think of hurting my little girl, but if 
Akane is to be the wife of Ranma, it's time she took the Art as 
seriously as *he* does. This may be our only chance, Saotome." 
    Genma gave his accent. "Yes, Tendo. If we neglect her training she 
may get injured worse than even the strictest training regimen might do 
to her. It is one of the rules I raised Ranma by." 
    "Indeed." Soun nodded. 
    Kasumi left, gravely concerned for her youngest sister. 
    Akane was snoring in her room. 

    Tatewaki was in the Kuno household kitchen, searching for a snack, 
opened up a can of tuna and his face came alight as he delicately 
removed from the can a pair of Akane's panties. "Ah, truly the love 
borne by the beauteous Akane toward myself can go unsatisfied no longer 
if she is going to such great lengths to tell me of it!" 

    "Hold! You hussies! What are you doing to my Ranma-darling!" 
    Shampoo assumed a battle stance, eager for the light exercise. 
    "Hang on just a second, sugar." Ukyo restrained the girl, then 
hauled Ranma a short distance to where they could speak briefly under 
the tree. "Here, let me show you what I mean." 
    "Huh? What ya gunna do?" Ranma responded, blinking. This was fairly 
standard for him. What was Ukyo wanting to do about it? Fight Kodachi 
herself? She did that often enough, all she had to do was beat Shampoo 
to the punch. 
    Ukyo hissed at him. "I want to teach you that words can *change* 
things, Jackass! You know how this is going to end, right? Kodachi 
attacks, you or I or Shampoo beat her senseless, and tomorrow or the 
next day it repeats." 
    "Yah." 
    "Is very simple." Shampoo had joined them and Kodachi was looking 
on, puzzled by this brief conference, unsure what to do as yet with the 
alteration in schedule. 
    "So if we're trying to show Ranma-honey what the right words can be 
used for, let's *show* him! He'll never believe us unless we can prove 
they'll make his life different!" 
    Shampoo thought about it, then nodded. "Okay, is good plan." 
    The huddle broke and Ukyo stepped to the front to address Kodachi, 
who was still waiting for the fully expected fight to break out. 
    Ukyo bowed, demurely yet somewhat shallowly. "Miss Kuno, we are 
attempting to teach Ranma manners and culture that he not offend women 
of high standard." 
    Ranma blinked. It was true... or so they said. And nothing sounded 
*wrong* about it, but Kodachi's reaction was anything but what he'd 
predicted. 
    Shampoo smugly grinned. HER high standards were that he fight, 
everything else could come later. But the reaction of the Kuno girl was 
interesting. 
    Kodachi was stunned. They obviously meant *her* of course. She was 
the highest bred of all Ranma's suitors, and so naturally had the 
highest standards. Had these two at last finally admitted defeat to her 
superior claim? But no, it was obvious they hadn't. They were still 
thick on him like bees on honeycomb. What else could this be but an 
overture, though? Could they be attempting to make peace? But they knew 
she wanted Ranma Darling first and foremost to herself... 
    Kodachi stood frozen, having come to the only possible conclusion. 
They were out to curry favor with her, seeing that she was the only one 
who could possibly win this fight to secure Ranma for herself. Very 
perceptive of them, she must say. Kodachi knew she had every advantage, 
being the most beautiful, persistent, and of course wealthy of all 
Ranma's would-be brides. Her breeding and manners were impeccable, who 
could win *but* she? 
    And it was just as obvious that the only prize they could be 
currying for from her was the coveted position of second place - 
mistresses to serve Ranma's manly needs when Kodachi herself was thick 
with child or otherwise indisposed. It was traditional for men of her 
station to have such, and Ranma of course would be elevated to that 
same lofty height so he could marry her as equals. Very interesting 
that these girls should be so thoughtful and perceptive. She'd thought 
less of them. 
    Obviously, she'd been somewhat mistaken. 
    Kodachi spent a moment considering. While neither girl was half as 
attractive as her, of course, they had a certain low appeal. The fact 
they were willing to accede to her higher claim spoke well of their 
intellect, and their ability to acknowledge superiority was certainly a 
useful trait. They might serve very well as mistresses and servants. 
    This changed things. 
    The gymnast decided, stunning the others by stepping down off her 
wall without the expected leaps or flips, merely taking the expedient 
route to the ground. Now sure of her superiority there was no longer a 
need for haste. She walked to the trio, looking them over carefully, 
before she snapped open a fan and declared. 
    "Very well, Ranma. You may have them. But I expect you to serve 
propriety in the manner in which you keep them and of course not forget 
my higher place." 
    She turned to Ukyo, now demure that this was an up-and-coming 
member of her household and therefore under her regal care, and pressed 
upon her a bank card, then did the same to Shampoo, saying. "These will 
serve to access accounts where funds will be made available to you, out 
of the Kuno family coffers. You may use them however you wish, but I 
must emphasize that your own clothing and decorum will reflect on 
Ranma's taste and honor among his peers. You must act accordingly." 
    To Ranma she turned, pressing only a hand against him, rather than 
full a torso flesh massage as she used to. There was no need now, as 
she'd already won. "My darling, be a good student." 
    And with that she walked away, demure and regal. 
    Ranma watched her go and facefaulted the second she was out of 
sight. Shampoo and Ukyo did the same to lessor extents. 

    Akane awoke and, having questions on her mind, went to ask her 
sister. 
    Nabiki looked up from her work, staring coldly. "Who are you and 
what are you doing in my room?" She stared hard. "What are you doing in 
this house for that matter? Are you a friend of Kasumi's?" 
    Nabiki touched her hair. Why was she feeling so refreshed? 
    Akane backed off and gulped, drooping slightly as she noticed 
Nabiki's freshly wet and washed coiffeur. "Yah, I'm a friend of 
Kasumi's." Akane groaned in defeat. She left, going downstairs to the 
kitchen. 
    "Kasumi, I..." 
    *THUNK!!!* 
    Akane *stared* at the kitchen knife embedded in the doorframe and 
inch from her nose. Her short hair stood on end, still covered in dry 
and now crusted river muck mixed in with a fresh layer of dried kelp 
and bits of raw fish, with tuna labels still chafing under the day 
dress she'd pulled on. 
    Kasumi resumed her stance after taking another long carving knife 
from the rack handy on the wall. She now held three in each hand, 
gleaming sharply. "Akane, I overheard our father talking with Mr. 
Saotome. I'm afraid your marriage may be at stake if you don't receive 
enough martial arts training." 
    Akane *shrieked* as Kasumi began throwing knives at her, slicing up 
her clothes with near misses. Kasumi flung a trio of shiny steel blades 
with one motion, cutting enough cloth off her sister's dress to qualify 
it as indecent. 
    "So now if you want to eat a meal here you must defeat me in 
battle!!" 

    "That was... that was..." Ranma sat at the restaurant table, having 
repeated those two words for close to an hour, unable to finish the 
sentence. 
    "...cool." He finally said, concluding. 
    Shampoo reentered the restaurant, tucking a bottle of her special 
shampoo back in her blouse. "Extortionist Girl now taken care of. She 
no threat, unable to help sister regain Ranma. Maybe she learn now 
emotions *good* thing. Help one not lose memory." 
    Ukyo eyed the bottle suspiciously. "Hey girl, you wouldn't happen 
to be thinking of pruning the fiancee tree even more, would ya?" 
    "Hmm?" Shampoo smiled mysteriously, with just a hint of menace. 
    Suddenly Ranma was between them, hands on both restraining them. 
"Hey, none o that! I got tired of my fiancees fightin! There's gotta be 
a better way, we can..." 
    Everyone looked down to where his hands were. 
    Ranma lit off into the distance, screaming. 
    Both girls reverently touched their breasts where his hands had 
been, then took off after him, hearts in their eyes. 

    Akane RAN out of the Tendo compound... 
    ...straight into Tatewaki Kuno's arms. 
    Luckily, he passed out from a nosebleed at the state of her 
undress. 
    Grabbing a handy garbage can, she tore holes in it for her arms and 
legs and wore it as she ran over to stay the night at a friend's house. 
Incidentally, giving Tsubasa the best look of his life as she wore 
*his* disguise on a trek across town. 
    She found that out just as she was about to ring Sayuri's doorbell. 
    While in the act of shrieking and chasing the crossdressing pervert 
across town, the youngest Tendo had the misfortune to interrupt a ramen 
delivery. 
    Grope. 
    Tsubasa ran the other way, still wearing the trash can disguise 
Akane had been using for modesty. 
    "Shampoo! You *DO* love me! Let's go away to be alone together, 
Shampoo!" 
    "Gack!!" Was all Akane could say before being tied up in chains. 
  

--------- 

(hilarious laughter, culminating in a pleased sigh) 

    Ahhhh, you know. This is probably the most *relaxing* fic I've ever 
done. C'mon, go ahead and admit you've wanted to see/write this 
yourselves sometimes. But haven't for certain forces that shall remain 
nameless *cough*Klepp*cough* *hack*TrueNuts*hack*.