Shampoo's Revenge

Part 2 

by Jared Ornstead

=====

    Glomp! 
    "Ranma happy to see Shampoo, yes?" The amazon appeared with both 
lunch and affection where Ukyo and Ranma were already sitting together 
under a tree. 
    "Hey..." Ukyo's objection died in her throat. Rather than getting 
ready for combat she instead looked thoughtfully aside. She owed the 
amazon a little after what she'd done for her. This was the best day 
with Ranma she could remember since they were kids! She hadn't laughed 
and felt so relaxed with Ranchan since before his father stole the 
yattai. It had been a great day, and Ukyo didn't kid herself that he'd 
forgotten about Akane by accident. 
    Out of a bush nearby arose a towering figure of fury. 
    "RAAAN..." 
    Punt. 
    Both remaining girls looked as the trailing form of the enraged 
schoolgirl gradually disappeared near the horizon. Once again it broke 
through the roof of a building, this time a contest arena bearing the 
sign "Championship Martial Arts Groping Tournament Today." 
    Shrieks of outrage lit the sky. 
    Bits of a Furinkan girl's school uniform poofed out of the hole in 
the stadium's roof as challengers attempted to unseat the local area 
champion. Shampoo was smiling as she fed Ranma another mouthful of 
noodles. Before Ukyo could collect her wits from the menagerie of 
events a throat was cleared behind them. Turning, they saw Nabiki at 
her most confident. 
    The middle Tendo was clapping lightly. 
    "Oh, *very* good, girls." She was momentarily ignoring Ranma's 
presence. "But I'm afraid the scheme's up. Shampoo, you're going to 
reverse your mind technique on Ranma or I'm afraid I'm going to have to 
tell him all about what you've done." 
    Shampoo'd found a moment to be feeding noodles to her Airen. She 
put down the chopsticks and grabbed his cheeks, speaking an inch from 
his face and staring directly into Ranma's eyes. 
    "Ranma? Shampoo use Ancient Chinese Secret Technique, make you 
forget girl named Akane. You no upset at Shampoo?" 
    Ranma licked noodles from his face. "What? Upset? Have you done 
anything? Why would I be upset at you? The noodles are great! What's to 
be upset over?" 
    Shampoo didn't release her grip, moving her eyes so close their 
noses were touching. "You no understand! Shampoo use Xi Fang Hang Gao 
Shiatsu technique make you forget about nasty, wicked, pervert girl. 
You no mind?" 
    Ranma blinked for one long moment, then snapped his fingers. 
    "Hey! You mean that you used some kinda technique on me? Is *that* 
why my head feels so good today? I'd been beginning to think that the 
pain would *never* go away! You made that get better, right? Man, no 
*wonder* I feel so good. Even Doctor Tofu couldn't make my headache get 
any better. Is that some kinda healing technique, could I learn it?" 
    Shampoo released Ranma and resumed feeding him noodles. "Ranma 
learn all Chinese Amazon techniques when marry Shampoo. We go back to 
village and train long time while raise family, yes?" 
    Shampoo shot a look back over her shoulder at Nabiki, to see the 
girl's knees had locked and many of her hairs toinged. 
    Ukyo couldn't help but chuckle at the way the older girl looked. 
"Heh, looks like blackmail's not gonna be an option for your side this 
time, is it sugar?" She served up an okanomiyaki and met Shampoo's 
eyes. They both were the big players on the field right now, but 
rocking the boat could upset that for both of them. Besides, Ukyo 
figured she owed Shampoo a big one for doing this to begin with. So... 
    Shampoo was feeling gracious in her superiority. She scooted aside 
and gave room to Ukyo as they both shared in taking turns feeding 
Ranma. 
    Nabiki had the uncomfortable sensation of having had the floor 
ripped out from under her. Standard operating procedure was a little 
threat and everything would go right back to normal. These things were 
even amusing when they happened in that light. She quickly ran through 
all her options and came up with... 
    ... none? 
    Nabiki *couldn't* threaten to reveal the scheme to Ranma, Shampoo'd 
just proven that not even perfect bluntness by the party involved would 
get through to him. She'd just been outmaneuvered. Her trademarks of 
threats, bribes and blackmail all worked on her opponent's fear of her 
revealing something, and Shampoo had clearly anticipated that. 
    Next option on Nabiki's list was to acquire an auxiliary to use as 
an ally. She could still do that, but *maybe* she'd screwed Ukyo over a 
few too many times in deals past, because now Ranma's best friend and 
most powerful influence outside of Akane... scratch that, for purposes 
of this problem now she WAS the most powerful influence, was teamed up 
in at least a tentative cooperation with the other side. 
    Bad, *bad*, BAD news. 
    Nabiki reacquired a grin as the solution occurred to her. She waved 
and walked away. "Well, enjoy your brief victory, girls. Good Bye." 
    Ucchan watched Nabiki leave and paused in her turn to feed a bite 
to Ranchan. "Shampoo, do you...?" 
    The smug look on the Amazon stopped her. 
    "Is already taken care of, Spatula Girl. Now you feed Airen or is 
Shampoo turn?" 
    The bite of okanomiyaki was quickly fed and swallowed. Before he 
accepted a bite of noodles Ranma asked. "So what was that about? Is one 
of you fighting Nabiki? What's that about a victory?" 
    Ukyo sat back on her heels as she watched him slurp up noodles. An 
idea occurred to her. "Ranchan? What would you do if Nabiki attacked 
us?" 
    The martial artist's face darkened, gulping down his noodles he 
growled. "Hey, Ucchan, it ain't right to go fightin' anybody when they 
don't know martial arts. Ya got it?" 
    "You Jackass!" She shouted back at him (still carefully taking her 
turn and scooping up a bit of food for him). "Don't you think I *know* 
that?! That's not what I'm talking about! Besides, even if they don't 
know more than a babe on its mother's knee it's okay to defend 
yourself! And you should know Nabiki better than that anyway. No, what 
I'm asking is what would you do if Nabiki were to use blackmail and 
dirty tricks on us? You ought to know better than anyone that if she 
wanted to get even with anyone she'd do it by spreading ugly rumors and 
embarrassing them in public! What would you do if she did something 
like that?" 
    Ukyo sat back and let the amazon take her turn feeding Ranma. When 
his mouth was clear he asked. 
    "Why would she want to do anything like that?" 
    Shampoo and Ukyo both grinned as their eyes met each others. 
    "Maybe Sneaky Girl want be Ranma's fiancee?" 
    Ranma had a chill go up and down his spine. 
    "Ranma no answer question." Shampoo took an extra moment while Ukyo 
whipped up another stack of okanomiyaki. "What Ranma do if Mercenary 
Girl attack Ukyo and Shampoo? What do when she ruin reputations, hurt 
business, spread lies and not make nice?" 
    Ranma squirmed uncomfortably under the question. Finally, he said. 
"I dunno, stop her, I guess." 
    "Oh?" Ukyo turned out a new stack of her favorite, and with a 
gesture of truce inherant in the motion, passed a fresh plate of her 
best to Shampoo as well, who took it, and after only a brief moment of 
hesitation started to eat, then began to inhale her meal as a sparkle 
in her face revealed just how *good* it was. 
    Ukyo addressed Ranma while she was spooning up his seconds. "So 
Ranchan, how'd you stop her? Nabiki knows better than to throw a punch 
at you. She'd just spread lies and rumors about us all that'd make our 
lives a living hell. How *would* you stop her?" 
    Ranma, busy chewing, slowed and slackened his pace. How *would* he 
ever stop Nabiki? He swallowed. "Uh, I dunno. Tell the truth, I guess. 
That outta work." 
    Ukyo shook her head sadly, her ponytail swinging behind, and 
scooped up another mouthful for him, saying. "Sorry, sugar. But that 
'mercenary girl' is a whole lot better at telling lies than you ever 
are at telling the truth." 
    Shampoo swallowed, her face a look of momentary bliss at the 
flavor. "Spatula Girl right. No one believe Ranma, Sneaky Girl already 
have advantage of many years lying. She very good liar. Ranma no very 
good at anything not involve fighting." 
    That stung his pride. Ranma rose halfway up and shouted. "Hey! I 
can TOO do..." He slowed to a stop once he realized that he had no idea 
to call whatever all that stuff was that wasn't fighting. 
    Ukyo smiled. Victory at last! "You mean that you can master 
civilized skills? That you won't always be a barbarian?" 
    "Err, yeah..." Ranma tried to get his head around the concept. 
    "Prove it." Ukyo sang triumphantly. 
    "Shampoo no see what wrong with being barbarian." The amazon 
interrupted. 
    Ukyo half turned to speak to the other girl. "Nothin against it, 
sugar. I just want to see if Ranma can do his own thing for a change 
instead of letting his father, Nabiki, or Mr. Tendo make all of his 
choices for him." 
    "Shampoo think we talk this over later." 
    Ukyo blinked. Had she screwed up? She tried to think of what could 
be the matter with what she'd said and came to the conclusion that it 
might screw with the mind thing that made Akane no longer an issue. 
    Suddenly she felt bad. 
    Ranma was rubbing his head. "So what kind a things are civilized?" 
    Ukyo gave a desperate glance at Shampoo, not wanting to screw up 
whatever the Amazon'd done. Shampoo slurped the last bite of her 
okanomiyaki and acquired a wonderful grin, then wiped her mouth and got 
an even more clever smile. 
    "If Ranma want be civilized, Ranma learn Chinese. Ranma learn 
respect elders and to take wife to date!" 
    Friendship and allies only went so far, but Ukyo saw clearly how 
she could add on this and not lose her advantage without doing anything 
Shampoo hadn't done. She perked up, talking far more brightly. "Hey! 
That's right. Why don't you learn English as well. The act of learning 
new languages ought to make you better at your own." 
    Ranma was about to ask what she meant when a sudden image came to 
him of speaking pidgin like Shampoo and he clamped his mouth shut, 
*sure* that was what they meant, and the idea appalled him. 
    Ukyo was already forging on with glittery eyes. "And you could 
learn some manners about how to act with a girl so you don't embarrass 
her!" 
    A picture appeared in Ranma's mind of him dressed in his father's 
gi with the same white bandana on his head shouting at and stepping on 
chibi Shampoos and Ucchans, like his father had done for years, 
embarrassing him in public. 
    No. That idea was not fun. 
    Lunches empty, they sat and talked for a bit. Even Ranma found it 
surprisingly pleasant. Part of him wanted to reflexively jump at 
shadows. Realizing the cause, both girls were very cooperative in not 
doing things that might startle him. 
    Their own fights would come later. They *would* get that resolved. 
But for right now they were too busy enjoying a situation where they 
were winning, even if they had to share the limelight for awhile. The 
total issue had not been resolved yet, but each of the girls was 
enjoying much more pleasant time with their special loved one than they 
ever had before. In spite of their fierce competitiveness over him, 
neither girl felt an urge to spoil things when fighting each other now 
would just turn him back over to Akane, and they both knew it. 
    Ranma could not believe things were going so well. A part of him 
kept crying out in terror, but a new part of him was ready to take 
whatever it was down and beat it until it whimpered. So, on the whole, 
he was finding it difficult to feel scared. 
    Not feeling scared, two girls to pamper him, momentary peace, and a 
new and completely unused part of Ranma began to enjoy life. 
    A completely inarticulate scream of fury tore across the yard and a 
red, glowing battle-aura enraged mallet bearing tornado appeared for 
long enough to get pounded flat into the ground and dragged off 
unconscious to the nurse's station by some friends of Hiroshi and 
Daisuke. 
    Ukyo actually felt a tear come to her eye she was so happy. 
    Shampoo looked smug beyond belief. 
    Lunch regretfully ended a while later and both girls paused as 
Ranma stopped to beat the stuffings out of a short, black-haired girl 
who attacked him for no reason he could discern. The resultant pile of 
garbage would be dragged off again by those girls who were friends of 
Hiroshi and Daisuke's. 
    Ukyo looked aside at her new chief rival. "Look, sugar, not that I 
mind the help or anything, but why? And aren't you the least bit 
worried about what Nabiki could do?" 
    "You no worry about Nabiki. Sneaky girl very shallow and... what 
word? Easy to guess next move of. She think she much more clever than 
really is. Is very... predictable! That word. No last long in China 
where Triads try steal farm." 
    "But won't she try to cure him? Like they did the last time?" 
    "This no trial for Airen. He prove himself good fighter, very 
adaptable, learn new techniques very quickly. This no test of Airen, so 
no had to leave solution. Sneaky Girl be very surprised when try make 
Ranma remember if do same as last time. Shampoo think they not prepared 
at all." 

*** 

    In the nurse's station, Nabiki sat next to her sister in the bed 
normally reserved for Kuno, where the younger girl was nearly 
recovering from the latest in a series of completely failed attempts to 
take out her fury on Ranma. 
    "Hold it right there, Akane!" Nabiki put her hands on her sister's 
shoulders when the younger showed the slightest signs of stirring. 
"Running off again isn't going to get you anywhere this time." 
    Eyes opened and went flatter and flatter. "THAT JERK!!!!" 
    Akane raced off, screaming rageful things and manifesting a huge 
battle aura around the bed she'd been lying on, having grabbed it as 
the nearest and largest blunt instrument she could lay a hand on. It 
tore holes in walls of the school corridors as she passed, blowing out 
doors that she ran through. 
    Nabiki sighed and leaned back. In moments Akane was carried back in 
on that bed by two male students, who excused themselves back to class 
after dropping off the unconscious Tendo. 
    The slightly older girl taped her younger sister to the cot with a 
roll of duct tape she'd gotten from a member of the engineering club. 
When Akane woke she thrashed about for several moments, but in the end 
remained securely taped to the frame. 
    "Are you going to listen this time?" Nabiki asked, looking up from 
her manga. 
    Akane glowered. 
    Nabiki put her magazine away, thankful that she'd thought to gag 
her little sister. "It's simple, Akane. I can solve this whole mess for 
you with *very* little problem. Interested?" 
    Nabiki did *not* untape her youngest sibling's mouth, but Akane 
eventually got done glowering and finally nodded her head. Nabiki 
finished chewing on her snack cracker before she responded. "Good. 
Here's the deal. You agree to do any two things I ask you, and I'll 
give you Ranma back. Do we have a contract?" 
    Nabiki looked up again from her magazine after her sister's tears 
of anger had finally subsided. She closed the book. "Okay sis, it's 
this way: Shampoo has erased Ranma's memory of you with that Xi Fang 
thing. But we all know that doesn't erase his emotions one bit. So all 
you've got to do to reverse it is engage his emotions about you, do 
that cute thing, and you've won the victory. Simple, right?" 
    The girl taped up on the bed thought about it. 
    Nabiki got up from her seat. "I'll let you think about it. I'm off 
to class. See ya!" 
    Akane's battle aura engaged and in her rage she began chewing 
through the tape in her mouth. In seconds she was shouting. "Nabiki! 
Hey! Don't leave me in here all by myself! Tell me about the plan! And 
what if some pervert comes in here, huh?" 
    "Fear not, my dear Akane." Kuno arrived in the door, rose in hand. 
He raised a wrist to his forehead in a noble and gallant pose. "Though 
thy sister hath abandoned thee, I, on Heaven's blessing, was located 
nearby. Thy cries have truly stirred me. For is it not I, the Blue 
Thunder of Furinkan High who is thy protector? Thy plea has risen to my 
ears and I do heed thy summons..." 
    Then the kendoist got his first look at Akane all taped up to the 
bed. Her dress was all ruined and torn up in spots, though the last 
time she'd landed in a bath house had at least gotten her clothes 
clean. 
    One badly abused strap parted and the two halves came off her 
shoulder. 
    The girl sweated. "Uh, Kuno... hey, um..." 
    "LADY AKANE!!!" Kuno shouted, flinging himself bodily over her and 
smothering his face in her breasts, then he rebounded and held his 
all-too-solemn face an inch away from hers. "Oh! That things should 
have come to this?!! That my love so sadly believes my heart has 
forsaken her that she would arrive at these dire straights in an 
attempt to woo me! Fear not! I shall prove my *love* to thee!" 
    Akane sweated in terror as Kuno leaped off her bed and began to 
nail shut the infirmery door, all the while laughing maniacally. 
    "NABIKKKIIII!!!!!!!!!!" The terrified scream echoed down the halls. 
  

--------- 

Author's Mad Chuckling. 

    You know, I write this as therapy. You wouldn't *BELIEVE* how good 
it feels. Take two and call for Akane to be humiliated in the morning. 

    Studio Aesir is down for the forseeable future, as we've had no contact 
with Celeste since January of 2001, and the last communication came from 
her brother who reported she was gravely injured. None of the rest of us 
have the capacity, passwords, etc to modify the site, and so it suffers from 
gradual web-rot.