Celeste Byrd [nshampoo@gold.interlog.com]
12.07.1998 [July 12, 1998]

Rating: Most audiences approved. Contains coarse language.

Ranma 1/2 is copyrighted 1998 by Rumiko Takahashi/Shogakukan Inc. and anyone else who rightfully owns the copyrights. All-Purpose Cultural Cat Girl Nuku Nuku is copyrighted 1992 by Yuuzou Takada/Futuba Sha/King Records/Movic. This fanfic was written entirely for entertainment purposes and NOT for monetary benefit. Please don't sue me. Any similarities with other fanfics are purely coincidental unless stated otherwise.

This is my second attempt at a decent fanfic. This also happens to be my first attempt at prose. Be lenient.

Information is based on the author's experience of the two series. Japanese will only be used when necessary, and NOT to show that this author can speak English with Japanese phrases. Incidents from Ranma 1/2 are based both on the original manga, released by Shogakukan, and the translated one, released by Viz Communications. Incidents from Nuku Nuku are based on subtitled Phases 0I to 0VI, released by ADV Films.

Cybernetic information and theories were partially influenced by the original manga version of Masamune Shirow's Ghost in the Shell. The rest came to me in a dream. You'd be surprised as to the amount of junk that comes to me when I sleep.

Some parts of this fanfic were influenced by Terry Pratchett's Discworld novels. If you haven't read any of them, shame on you.

If you've just stumbled upon this, please read the previous chapters to understand anything in this one.

"OH, WHAT OTHER TRAGEDIES MUST I SUFFER ON THE SAOTOME NAME?!"

Kyusaku looked up from his workbench in surprise at Genma, who was bawling his eyes out. That's not like him at all, he thought, he usually just talks in his moronic, solemn way. And crying?! Something was definitely wrong.

"Oy Genma-san, what's the matter?" he asked as he was putting the finishing touches on Ranma.

Genma ignored him and turned his head to face the ceiling of the small appartment. "Oh, my son will never be able to pass on the Saotome school! He's a failure to the Saotome name!"

Kyusaku stared at Genma for a while, not believing his ears. What was he talking about? Ranma was his only son, his pride, and the only candidate for Genma to bully and train! He stopped to light a cigarette before continuing his thought. It was quite amazing, one year of work and Kyusaku had done what other scientists had only dreamed of. All it took was some engineering, nanotech and biotech, and Kyusaku had created the first cybernetic human being! Add that to the fact Ranma would have died had it not been for him, and Genma should have been proud! What was so wrong as to make GENMA of all people decide to curse his offspring?

"Why's he a failure?" This he said aloud. Genma refused to answer. After a few minutes of waiting for him to elaborate, Kyusaku decidedly changed tactics. "Thirsty?" he asked, getting up from the workbench.

Genma looked enraged. "Thirsty?! THIRSTY?! Here I am dwelling on the loss of my only son, my heir and our traditions, and all you can say is thirsty?!" he yelled.

Kyusaku wordlessly went into the kitchen and handed Genma a bottle of Gekkeikan sake. Genma grabbed the proffered bottle and took a swig. Kyusaku silently counted the seconds as Genma took more rapid gulps out of the bottle.

Never ask right away, Kyusaku remembered. Never ask Genma about anything until you get him a good drink or give him lots of food. Once he gets something in his stomach, preferably alcoholic, his tongue unravels. When that happens, his brain locks up. After that, you can pick at his brain at leisure and he'll agree to whatever you say.

There was a cough from Genma, then a hiccup. Kyusaku sat back down at his workbench and checked his mental watch. Thirty seconds on the dot.

"Whoa, he must be seriously depressed if he got drunk so fast," Kyusaku told himself, "he usually hiccups at forty."

He examined the wiring of the Neural Signal Interface while Genma's thoughts marinated in alcohol. When Kyusaku felt Genma was plastered enough, he struck.

"Why is Ranma a failure?" he asked.

Genma faced him, his face flushed and his breath horrible. "*hic* 'S Ranma's no longa... 'uman. 'E canna make... uh, latsa littl', whazza word... kids!" He took another swig of Gekkikan.

Kyusaku looked astonished. Well, he did after he translated the slurred speech in his head. I mean, if he couldn't understand what the hell Genma was saying, why would he be astonished initially? What would be the point of writing this part if Kyusaku didn't have a little difficulty comprehending the language of your common drunk? There would have been little point to this if he managed to unravel what it was Genma was saying, and--

<<< "Do you think you can continue with the story?" asked Ranma-Neko, who was busy munching on a fishstick behind the author.

"Why?" she asked, her face still glued to the monitor.

"I don't think the people reading this would appreciate it if you continue to ramble on like that."

"Right. Okay, but what the heck should I do now that I've started writing that useless paragraph?"

"Do what everyone else does. Continue on with the story and hope no one notices." >>>

"Is there more?" Kyusaku inquired. That couldn't be the only reason, he thought. Genma nodded, or at least tried to lift his head.

"'E canna learn ta... be stron', lika 'is ol' man!" He pounded his chest proudly, yet drunkenly. "Now he stron' like a... train! Too stron'! 'S not dat bad dough."

Kyusaku tried not to laugh at this, after he deciphered it, that is. "Uh huh."

"'S not all. *hic* 'E canna... oh DAMN, 'ad za word, ha' it a secon' ago... ya ge' big and stron' an' da like."

"Exercise?"

"Nonono, 's not dat."

"Um... grow?"

"YA! Dat's da one. *hic* 'E canna do it."

"That all?" the scientist asked with tired patience for the drunkard.

"*hic* Nay, 'e missed one o' dem... damnit, I canna remember... oh yeah, YEARS o'... trainin'."

They were all decent reasons, but Kyusaku highly doubted he could explain the solutions clearly when Genma was drunk and all. He decided to take a shot at it anyway.

"Yeah, interesting points, but I already took them into account," Kyusaku said eventually, but evenly.

Despite his drunken stupor, some words managed to register in Genma's head. "Thou' abou' dem?"

"Yeah. About the kids thing, I only replaced his head, chest, and limbs! Er, I didn't replace any of the perfectly functioning organs. I mean, how's he going to impress the ladies? As for strength, he's still the same."

Genma seemed a little bit more coherent. "Wha'?" he asked. "Ain' 'e a... robot? Ain' robots stron'?"

"Well yes, robots can be in theory super strong, but only if the joints are connected to a sturdy frame of the same material. Ranma's arms and legs are still connected to bone, and if he were to lift something way over his usual strength, he'd dislocate his arms!"

Genma thought this over to the best of his ability. "So wha' you're saying," he said, "is if Ranma wa' completely robot-like, bu' 'e's not, 'e'd be more *hic* powerfu'?"

Kyusaku figured Genma wasn't drunk enough yet. He got the gist of it, after all. "Well yeah," he answered.

"Then why don' ya make 'im *hic* powerfu'?!"

Kyusaku was startled. "Huh?" he asked. "I thought you didn't want him to have incredible strength!"

"A mar'ial ar'ist ain' gonna... turn dow' anna a'van'age 'e can ge'!"

"Advantage? I thought martial arts were based on skill!"

"Well yea', bu' wit Any'hing Goes, ya use anna *hic* a'van'age agains' ya opponen'!"

Kyusaku looked at Genma stupidly for about a second before turning his head down at the 'sleeping' young boy.

"You really only want to see your son as a fighter. An artist of war. Other than that, you don't really care that much about Ranma at all," he concluded, repulsed. "I mean, who throws their son into a near-death situation hundreds and hundreds of times? I've only had Ryunosuke for a few months, but even I already know that being a bad parent will affect his mental state greatly. I know you well enough that you'll try and take advantage of anything if it means you'll get a better life, even if only temporarily. I really wonder what else you did to him Genma, and what you plan on doing to him in the future."

"So, wha' about za trainin'?"

What the heck am I going to do? How to stop Genma from doing these things to his own son?

"Hmm?" Kyusaku was still deep in thought.

"'E missed zome."

"Oh yes. Well, he's still sleeping in a simulated dream I created for him. It's just one full year of practicing at this place. Since you probably already drive him into the ground with training, he won't notice the lack of details," he said absentmindedly.

"Wha' abou' growin' up?"

What to do?

"Sorry? What did you say?"

"'Ow will 'e grow?"

Hmm...

Kyusaku found the circuits of Ranma's left arm quite interesting to look at as he pondered the question. THAT he hadn't thought about. He had spent so many months thinking about Ranma's current situation, and yet he forgot to think about the AFTER. Overlooking something like that was not a good thing in his book. Oh sure, he already thought about the maintenance issues when dealing with an artificial being...

Then, as the complicated gears of the human mind started to turn, Kyusaku slowly removed a fresh cigarette from a package in his lab jacket and carefully placed it in his mouth.

Maybe...

"Well, send him here every month or so. I can give him a checkup and replace parts as needed," he said carefully, lighting a match. "Later, I might find out how to make him grow on his own."

Genma burst into laughter, startling him. "'S A GREA' IDEA! KYUSAKU, YOU' A *hic* GENIUS! I'M EN'IRELY INNA DEBT WIT YA!"

In debt with me? Genma's in debt with anyone who gives him food. But if he really does owe me a debt of honour...

Excellent.

"Really? Hmm... Well, there's also this thing I want for you to do for me..."

Ranma, you're not going to suffer like this again. Not if it takes all my creative genius to stop it.

Unbeknownst to the drunken martial artist, the scientist smiled with a predatory gleam in his eyes...

RANMA 1/2  and  ALL-PURPOSE CULTURAL CAT-GIRL NUKU NUKU
PROJECT NK-RANMA
Written by Celeste Byrd

CHAPTER SIX: The Game of the Gods

"KYUSAKU!"

Kyusaku sighed and put down his tools. He knew he should of seen it coming, his wife sending POISON FOUR and all, but he didn't think they'd make so much NOISE! He ran out of the appartment and shook his fist at the helicopter/plane hybrid.

"Quiet down! Do you want to upset the entire neighbourhood?!" he yelled.

Shrill laughter could be heard. "Our Lady could care less if we talk as loud as we want!"

"Actually, I think my wife would. She wouldn't want her two goons to ruin the reputation of her company now, would she?"

There was a small pause. "That's not the point! The point is that Lady Akiko wants you to give the runaway android back to her!"

"What? Not after Ryunosuke anymore?"

"Er, him too!"

Kyusaku decided then and there that the combined IQ of his wife's henchwomen equaled that of a rock. No wait, rocks didn't think at the top of their voices. He searched through his list of ignorance tactics and chose number eight.

"'I don't know what you're talking about!'" he stated loudly.

"Don't give us that crap! We know you sent that android!"

Okay, maybe a little bit more than a rock, Kyusaku amended. "Why do you guys want him back so much?" he asked.

"None of your business! Give him here!"

"Well, I can't do that if all we're going to do is play Dodge the Question!"

"Alright, no more bullshit!" Kyusaku slammed the door. "HEY! I'M TALKING HERE! COME BACK OUT AND TAKE WHAT'S COMING TO YOU!"

"SHUTUP!" Kyusaku yelled from behind the door.

"OH YEAH?! WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT, HUH?! SEND YOUR HIGH-SCHOOL ANDROID AT US?!

"WELL, I THINK MAYBE I WILL!" Kyusaku lit another cigarette and yelled at the top of his voice. "NUKU NUKU!"

Silence greeted his shout.

"Huh?" Kyusaku scratched his head and searched the appartment. "Where'd she go off to?"

The yelling didn't really affect the residents of this part of Nerima. After all, this happened at least once a week. People looked up, shrugged, and went back on with their business. However, it did manage to attract the attention of a certain trio out looking for a certain martial artist on this Sunday afternoon.

Akane stopped her death chant to see an attack chopper hovering near an appartment complex two blocks away. Ukyou and Nabiki craned their heads to listen, but couldn't hear anything beyond the rumble of the engines.

"What do you suppose is going on?" Ukyou asked. Nabiki shrugged.

"Bet you it's that cross-dressing pervert," mumbled Akane.

Nabiki looked at her sister interestedly. "I can give you odds for that if you want," she answered.

"Do you always have to make a profit, Nabiki?" asked Ukyou.

"Of course not," came the reply, "I only try to make a profit if the situation seems profitable."

"Which is about everything when it comes to you," muttered Akane.

Nabiki glanced at Akane. "Not really. Like that time I caught Ranma accidentally peeping on Kasumi in the bath. Oops, shouldn't have said that."

Ukyou sighed as Akane continued to seethe. "Just like Nabiki to try and get people angry enough to be willing to pay anything," she thought. "I hope Ranchan doesn't get hurt too badly from Akane's peculiar brand of 'affection.'"

Akane's line of thought was much less coherent, and quite typical of the girl. However, this line of thought expressed by the youngest Tendou girl could have easily been translated as follows: "Ranma, you perverted freak! Three fiancees isn't enough, now you have to go after my sister?! Pervert! I'll kill you!"

Nabiki watched as Akane started to glow a bright red. "It's amazing," she thought, "I tell a simple lie and Akane takes it at face value." Being Nabiki, her mind started to wrap around the implications and the possibilities.

"Um, I think we better find out what the hell is going on with that chopper," said Ukyou, derailing all tracks of thought. She broke into a run, the Tendou girls soon trailing after her.

"Arisa, Arisa! HEY!" Kyouko was tapping on her partner's helmet. Arisa turned off the microphone. "What?!"

"You're going to use the dummy missiles, right?"

"Of course! I'm not THAT stupid! You know I only use the real warheads outside the city!"

Kyouko wondered briefly if Arisa even had experience firing live warheads at all but decided not to press the point.

"Why can't you ever NOT use the weaponry, Arisa?" she asked instead. She was greeted by a pause. "Wait, forget I said that."

Arisa harumphed and turned the microphone back on. "Kyusaku! Are you going to comply or not?!" she shouted.

Kyouko tapped her on the shoulder. "Arisa," she said, "calm down!"

"No! I will not!"

Kyouko clenched her teeth. "Geez, stop being so unreasonable!"

"I am not!"

"Are too!"

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Am not!"

"Are t-"

"WILL YOU BOTH SHUT UP!"

Both froze in tabloid, then slowly turned to see Kyusaku close his window. Kyouko removed her helmet and scratched her head. "Now how did he know we were arguing?" she asked.

Arisa looked sheepish. "I forgot to turn off the mike."

"Oh."

From outside the viewport, the women could see Kyusaku place a piece of paper against the appartment window. They pressed their noses against the glass in effort to see what was on it.

The paper had a rather crudely drawn picture of a happy face--with a tongue sticking out of its mouth. It did convey its message, however.

"Why you-!" Arisa growled. In a rage, she slammed down on the FIRE button.

Akiko sat back at her desk, waiting for any word from POISON FOUR. And to tell the truth, she was feeling quite impatient. It had been what, six or seven minutes since dispatching Mishima's pride and joy? Being a high-born executive, Akiko of course did not know the meaning of patience. She wanted some results, and NOW. She idly thought of docking their pay for taking so long, but instead thought of canceling their bonus for the fifth time. After all, she thought, they still have to pay for that space shuttle they sunk in the Pacific...

* * *

FLASHBACK...

"By the way Arisa, Kyouko, what happened to the Mishima shuttle you used to destroy the weapons satellite?"

The two women looked at each other. "Er, we don't know," replied Kyouko.

"Huh? How could you not know? How did you get down?"

"Er, ah, we landed the shuttle but er, misplaced it as we got out."

"WHAT? How could you misplace a SHUTTLE? Did it just suddenly sprout legs and disappear? Where did you land it then?"

"Um..."

* * *

Akiko shook her head. Just like the two to think they could keep a totaled space shuttle a secret. No one was THAT clueless--not even her.

She waited and waited. A few minutes later she started to pace around the office, occasionally looking out the window for any sign of POISON FOUR. After a while Akiko got bored of this, and she sat back down at her desk. Finally, she decided she would call up Kyusaku herself and give him a piece of her mind. As she was about to do so, Akiko noticed a folder left on her desk. Silently cursing the secretarial section of the building for lack of organization, she opened it. Inside the folder was a thin, neatly stapled report titled "POISON FOUR: Technical Designs and Specifications." Kyusaku momentarily forgotten, and for a lack of anything better to do, she opened it and idly flipped through the pages.

"'Mishima Heavy Industries P-290 Positioning Outmaneuverable Inclusive Stealth Operational Negotiator Aerial Combat Unit Revision Four,'" she read aloud. That was a new one on her. POISON actually meant something?

She continued to read. "'POISON A.C.U. Four specifications: 32 metres from wingtip to wingtip, 15 metres from front to back, 4 metres high with landing gear, 12000 kilograms maximum load.'"

It was unusual to find a Japanese person having grown up using the Imperial system of measurement, but Akiko was one such person. She pulled out a calculator and did the math.

"Let's see... 12000 kilos is about 26400 pounds, and 32 metres is roughly... 105 feet."

Feeling immensely proud for knowing some completely obscure knowledge, and finding that reading the document was marginally more interesting than waiting, Akiko read on.

"'Dual MHI GT-35 rotary system generators, emergency non-afterburning F-404-F1D2 engine...'"

Akiko felt a headache coming on. "I don't need to know these things! Why did the R & D department have to make it hard to... oh wait, they included diagrams."

She studied the detailed sketches of the engines, tracing a finger along the neatly stenciled lines of the GT-35 sketch. From within her came the feeling of tremendous pride. She knew it had taken a fair percentage of the Mishima technical staff (as well as a small percentage of last year's manufacturing profits) to redesign the original plans and put forth a machine worthy of the Mishima name. Yes, POISON FOUR was the mammoth of all aerial fighting units, and the most technologically advanced one too.

A paragraph on the next page caught her attention as she brought herself out of her glorious stupor. Not knowing why it managed to do so, Akiko decided to read it.

"'Because of the advanced architecture within the computer system and the improvements within the weapons assembly, the POISON A.C.U. R4 can handle launching up to twenty missiles of three different types simultaneously as well as firing a minimum of forty rounds of ammunition per second. Unfortunately due to the change in the specifications, the A.C.U. cannot handle the usual conventional weaponry manufactured by MHI. All weapons have been custom-made through R & D department six, and as of yet imitation weaponry has not been implemented.' What in the world does that mean?"

Suddenly, as the paragraph roughly translated itself in the depths of Akiko's mind, it meant: no duds, no blanks, no safety.

"WHAT?! Why didn't they tell me before I sent Arisa after that runaway android?!" she yelled to no one in particular. She forcefully calmed herself down and gazed out the window, hoping to catch a glimpse of POISON FOUR.

"I'm sure Arisa will check her weapons first before firing," she thought. As soon as that thought was completed, a new one entered her head. Unfortunately, this one was more accurate and to the point. She started to bite on a handkerchief. "Oh no! I really hope my Ryunosuke wasn't home! Oh, Ryunosuke! Mama's so very sorry! Oh my baby!!!"

"Thank you for inviting me to your uncle's place again, Yoshimi-chan!"

Ryunosuke stepped out of the car and waved his friend goodbye. Ever since Hagiwara Yoshimi's uncle refurbished the land rover his father had totaled a few years back, Yoshimi had insisted they use it rather than Nuku Nuku's bike. Recalling the first time Yoshimi experienced Nuku Nuku's pedaling, Ryunosuke had agreed. Nuku Nuku usually went as well, but with his mom currently intent on crushing his dad with the usual unconventional gunpower, she had to stay with Kyusaku in the event of an attack.

He shook his head sadly. Why was his mom so unpredictable? One minute, they could live together as a proper family, and the next, Akiko would pull out the rifle hidden in the couch and demand guardianship of him. Ryunosuke often wondered why they didn't divorce, like a typical unstable household in the States.

"I guess they still love each other," he thought, "and even if they didn't, they both have the honour of their clans to uphold."

Yoshimi's uncle Shinichi had dropped him off at the corner, near the appartment he and his father had been "hiding" in for the past four years. As Ryunosuke ambled towards home, he noticed POISON FOUR hovering gently overhead. Immediately, he realized the implications.

"Here we go again," he said, sighing as he started to jog.

Nuku Nuku charged at Ranma-Neko, her fist extended. Ranma-Neko sidestepped, brushing Nuku Nuku's punch to one side, then countered with an upward kick that Nuku Nuku managed to flip over. Nuku Nuku landed in a crouch, and shot out her leg in an attempt to trip him. Ranma-Neko jumped up, legs spread apart. He jabbed at Nuku Nuku's head with two fingers and used them to vault himself over her. Just as he landed, Nuku Nuku tackled him from behind, startling him. They both ended up in the dirt, Ranma-Neko's borrowed shirt already needing the care of a laundromat.

Immediately, Ranma-Neko rolled back up to his feet and assumed a defensive stance. He watched warily as Nuku Nuku stood up, looking for any less-than-obvious opening. It wasn't as if Nuku Nuku knew any martial arts, he told himself, but over the years her feline battle instinct must of piled up with a lot of experience in combat. She's used to fighting a lot.

"Cat-Fist," he thought bemusedly. "I'm kinda glad Ranma's still asleep. He might be mad at me for playing with a girl, and he might be scared that she's using Neko's technique. Still, at least this is good practice."

Ranma-Neko was a little too caught up in his thought that he almost didn't notice Nuku Nuku leap at him again. Of course, by the time he did notice it, he was sprawled on the ground once more, Nuku Nuku pinning his shoulders.

"Give up yet, Ranma-kun?" she asked cheerfully.

"No way!" Ranma-Neko struggled for a moment before grabbing her sides and trying to flip her over. Big mistake. Ranma-Neko forgot to take into account Nuku Nuku's weight, and ended up having Nuku Nuku lose her balance and dropping her entire mass onto the hapless boy.

"Oops," Nuku Nuku said as she got off Ranma-Neko and tried to shake him awake. "Is Ranma-kun okay?"

When he didn't respond, Nuku Nuku started to worry. "Ranma-kun? Ranma-kun? Ranma? Ranma! Ranma! Ran-"

Ranma-Neko's hands shot out once more, but instead of trying to lift Nuku Nuku up, he started to tickle her. Soon, Ranma-Neko was leaning over a downed and very ticklish cat girl.

"Give up Nuku Nuku?" he asked. Nuku Nuku giggled her consent, too hysterical to talk. Ranma-Neko promptly stood up and waited for the laughter to stop.

"That's not fair! Ranma-kun cheated!" Nuku Nuku yelled at him as she calmed down. Ranma-Neko smiled.

"Ranma wins! Nyah nyah!"

"Nuku Nuku's not finished yet!"

She was about to launch herself at him again when she realized something. "AAAH!!! Nuku Nuku forgot!"

A curious look swept Ranma-Neko's face. "What's wrong?"

Nuku Nuku looked panicky. "Nuku Nuku forgot she was supposed to protect Papa-san!"

Recognition dawned on Ranma-Neko's face. "Uh oh," was all he could think to say.

"I can't believe you plan on doing this!"

Fate glanced up from the television set. It is said the gods like to play games with the lives of men, but it is often wondered what games are being played. This game for instance, did not involve dice, any type of playing cards, no stupid pieces of paper. No, this game was the game of life, and the world was the playing board. "What are you talking about, Destiny?" he asked.

"You know what I'm talking about! Those Nerima residents we find amusing to mess around with?" Destiny snarled. Often enough, Fate would cross Destiny whenever she tried anything for herself. It infuriated her to no end.

"Ah. You mean that dreadful machine floating in the air without any imitation warheads, about to launch its spell of death, and the fact most of them are converging to that exact spot. And you believe I'm ruining your plans."

"Right! Insofar as I know about that Saotome child, it's one thing to hit a concrete floor, quite another to be hit by a temperature normally associated with nuclear cores."

Fate smiled. "You seriously believe I would mercilessly destroy my most valuable form of entertainment."

Destiny looked confused. "You plan to spare their fate?"

"No."

"Then why?"

"They simply are not fated to leave the mortal coil this way. Now, if you would care to have a seat and find out?"

Of course, whenever the game of life was played among the gods, one must wonder if they ever looked at the rulebook. And whenever a game is played by Fate, you can bet your arse the goddesses of Chance and Luck are closeby, ready to turn the tables.

A salvo of missiles shot out of POISON FOUR and converged on the tiny appartment complex. Ryunosuke came to a stunned halt on the stairs as a massive explosion engulfed his home. The resulting blast generated air currents powerful enough to send POISON FOUR spiraling away, while below, the heat waves almost caught two Tendous and one Kuonji's clothes on fire. The air currents also managed to lift something red away from the blast radius and onto another building.

Ranma-Neko and Nuku Nuku landed on the roof of another building, Kyusaku between them. Thankfully, the scientist was just fine save for his burnt clothing and his singed hair. Ranma-Neko winced. His leg was acting up again. Feeling safe for the time being, Ranma-Neko turned his thoughts inward.

"Ranma?"

"Yeah, what is it?" a sleepy thought-voice replied.

"Somebody just tried to kill us."

There was a moment of silence as this statement was considered, and then...

"Can you handle it? I'm tired."

Ranma-Neko was about to rebuke saying that if Ranma didn't get his ass up here he was going to have a very long sleep with the rest of them, but decidedly held the proverbial tongue in check. Rather, he said: "Uh, okay. But this situation is like, REALLY life-threatening."

"Which of the 304 occasions weren't?"

"And they're going about it in a weird helicopter with missiles."

"What?! Alright! That's certainly different!"

"But Neko thought Ranma wanted to sleep!"

"Not when I'm gonna get killed in a rather unusual way!"

Neko mentally shook his head and dove under the surface of Ranma's now fully conscious mind. Ranma focused his eyes on the helicopter. Nuku Nuku's ears deployed. Kyusaku ran down the stairs and over toward his son, who was still a bit shaken.

Kyouko looked over the back of the pilot's seat at Arisa. "Arisa? Didn't you say you were going to use DUD missiles?"

Arisa laughed nervously. "Oh, the maintenance folks must've loaded the tubes incorrectly. I'll switch to another magazine." She flicked the switch, noticing with growing terror that Nuku Nuku and the new android were staring at POISON FOUR with the flames of rage in their eyes.

Kyouko noticed them too, and said, "um, I think some altitude would be nice right about now."

Arisa agreed.

Ukyou gazed in horror at the blossoming explosion of the missile barrage. Nabiki looked on with her usual blank face, and Akane showed sudden if rather brief concern. If something was blowing up, it was probably Ranma's fault anyway.

Ranma and Nuku Nuku leapt as one for the combat helicopter, but Arisa yanked on the controls and flew out of range. Pivoting the plane, she launched another volley of what she hoped to be dummy missiles.

She was a little bit lucky. Only three out of four missiles detonated, and the rooftop exploded in a hail of flame.

"It's okay," Arisa nervously sweated. "So they loaded it wrong. There's still four more missile caches. ONE of them has to be loaded with imitations."

Ranma and Nuku Nuku staggered out of the flaming debris.

"I think this has gone TOO FAR!" Ranma declared, absentmindedly patting the fires out of his clothing. Nuku Nuku nodded her agreement.

Ranma looked up at POISON FOUR hovering way up in the sky. It was far too high for him to jump normally. All he needed was a little leverage...

He looked around. He saw Akane, Ukyou and Nabiki near the road, but because their eyes were up at POISON FOUR, they didn't see him. Beside him, Nuku Nuku was staring at the helicopter with narrow eyes. There were no buildings within running distance...

Ranma turned to Nuku Nuku. "Look, do you mind if I use your head for a second?" he asked, knowing the question sounded very ludicrous. To his surprise however, Nuku Nuku nodded firmly and braced herself. After getting the reassurance from Ranma-Neko that she could handle it, Ranma shrugged, and used her head as a springboard. The technique itself was a variant of Akane's punt-Ranma-into-orbit maneuver, except with them below you, you flew up into the air.

Arisa stared in astonishment as the boy-android vaulted off the cat girl and sailed right up towards her canopy. She was so stunned over the fact Ranma was able to reach POISON FOUR that she didn't think of dodging. Ranma landed on POISON FOUR's cockpit window and began punching it, cracks forming immediately. She hauled back on the yoke and POISON FOUR rose another couple of thousand metres in the air. Arisa grinned at the android, feeling a sense of deja vu.

"Do you think the geniuses at Mishima Heavy Industries never learn their lessons? Your 'girlfriend' already tried that!"

Ranma was about to ask who was she talking about when POISON FOUR ejected the canopy he was clinging to.

All right, that's twice in the same day I'm falling, he thought. Okay, falling is fine. Falling is something I'm used to. Hell, I spend more time dropping outta the sky than I do awake in school.

Very minor problem.

At this point, POISON FOUR chased after him, letting loose round after round of chain gun ammunition.

Okay, check that. We have a problem here, bigtime.

"Er Neko, you wouldn't happen to have any backup plans?" Ranma asked. "No?"

He twisted, swerved, veered and dodged, applying the Saotome school of midair combat to the best of his ability. He ran into a problem when one volley managed to blow off his good leg, but that was a minor detail. He was more concerned about the ground coming up to meet him again, and this time, there would be nothing to absorb the fall. He closed his eyes, waiting for the impact.

It never came. Nuku Nuku appeared out of the sky and caught him on the peak of her own vaulting leap. She batted open eyes at him, landing on the ground. "Ranma-kun okay?"

Kyusaku was getting into his car after helping Ryunosuke into his seat when the vehicle bounced and a foot tore through the roof. He stared at it numbly, half-expecting it to be Eimi-chan or someone Nuku Nuku had tossed onto the car. After waiting several moments he looked out over the car and onto the roof. The leg ended just slightly above the knee, wires and metal rods protruding at odd angles. The opening was also covered in blood. Kyusaku recognized it. He would of all people, because the serial number imprinted on one of the rods was a dead giveaway. Kyusaku snapped back into the car, force-starting the ignition and peeling off towards the MHI building.

"Ranma's going to need that leg!"

Nuku Nuku landed next to three stunned young ladies. Ignoring them for a moment with her back facing them, she cuddled Ranma's semi-conscious form.

"Ranma-kun? Ranma-kun? You okay?"

Ranma groaned. "I'm not sure I want to be. Urgh." And then he saw Akane.

"Uh, Akane! It's not what it looks like, honest!"

Had either one of the Tendou sisters or Ukyou noticed Ranma's leg, or lack of, they would have at least calmed down. Too bad they were too busy sizing up the strange girl carrying him.

Akane's battle aura started to glow.

Nabiki eyed the cat girl critically, sizing her up.

Ukyou hefted her combat spatula.

Ranma, under considerable stress, fainted.

Nuku Nuku, noticing the increasing hostility behind her and the scent of fear registering from Ranma, promptly made haste.

"Nuku Nuku get you away and we can play again, okay?" she said to the prone martial artist.

Understandably, Akane got really MAD as she heard that.

"RRRAAAANNNNNMMMMMMAAAAAAA!!!"

Nabiki wondered if she MIGHT have made a mistake in goading her little sister earlier. She didn't want any casualties on her hands. Well, Ranma didn't count. She knew he could play chicken with a roller coaster if he wanted to. Who knew about the girl?

Ukyou had already leapt away and was following the fleeing couple. Akane pulled out her mallet and jumped after at a speed Nabiki couldn't hope to follow.

All right, after three weeks of Finals and two weeks of illness (both during Finals thank you), and finally getting the time to actually work on this, chapter six is complete. Damn it, this always seems to happen. I try to get a chapter out as quickly as possible and I end up taking a month to do so. Must be in the air or something...

NOTE: F-404-F1D2 engines are used on the US Lockheed F-117A and some other stealth planes, I believe. I felt having one on POISON FOUR for emergency purposes would be neat. The name GT-35 is fictional. I just needed one for those massive helicopter-like engines.

NOTE: If you haven't already guessed, the acronym for POISON is made up. If you think you could come up with a better one, send it to me and I'll see if it does sound cooler.

NOTE: If you also haven't already thought about it, any single word I wrote in CAPITALS does not mean I was shouting it or the character was. It's just to indicate a change in the voice. I find it faster and neater than using asterisks, square brackets, underscores, etc.

NOTE: All cybernetic theories "hidden" in this and the previous chapter are just that, theories. They could be true, they could be applied to the normal (sort of) laws of the universe. I figured an explanation was needed and there we go.

NOTE: I spelt apartment wrong consistently throughout the fanfic. Why? I spent my entire life thinking it was spelt 'appartment', and I really have no inclination of changing right now.

Once again, I have to thank Jared (a.k.a. Skysaber) for his helpful input (I liked the Nuku Nuku bathroom idea, but people aren't going to see it happening unless it's in Ranma's dreams... as for the others, you know I'm gonna be flamed up my arse if I even employ one of them, so why the hell not in a later one!), Jim Robert Bader (a.k.a. Shadowmane) for his opinions on my cybernetic theories ("I don't see it happening" and "I can't see Ranma as a cyborg" were my favourites, but at least you entertained the idea and gave me some additional support) and his spelling checks, Richard Lawson (so when do you plan on responding to the last four chapters?), Wade Tritschler for his grammatical warfare (sorry about chapter five and Nabiki's dialogue! Don't send those missiles you have locked up in your room somewhere!), and to my other Prereaders of the Third Circle (as soon as half of you guys actually reply to chapter five).

Apologies to the people mentioned above whom will take offense at my banter. I'm just having a little fun, not to mention currently on the median part of my insanity cycle.

The Project NK-Ranma series is archived at:

[http://www.fortunecity.com/skyscraper/seagate/131/nkranma.html]

I'm going on vacation for two weeks in July. I'm gonna bring a crappy old laptop to continue working on the fanfic, and hope the incredibly large and venerable batteries hold out. I'll let people know when I leave on my page, so no one gets worried that I didn't reply to their messages.

Time to sign out. After three weeks of intense studying and puking, I need to rest off the puking bit.